


My Own Decisions

by EnsorcelledReader



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blind Dirk, M/M, based on artwork, caretaker Jake, lots of unresovled tension in early chapters, overprotective roxy, very slow to establish relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:54:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnsorcelledReader/pseuds/EnsorcelledReader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk is forced by Roxy and Dave to get a caretaker for himself. Dirk wants to live on his own, live his own life, and make his own decisions. Jake appears for the interview, maybe everyone can get what they want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Unusual Interview

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I got really jazzed about that Blind! Dirk AU and ended up starting it tonight. There won’t be any smut for a while, but I figured I post it here anyway. I’d greatly appreciate any feedback you have. Based on this:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/144766055449/initial-meeting-ad-public-place-park
> 
> Also, I'm aware that I shouldn't be starting this, when I have two other on-going stories. I promise, they will all get attention. This one and Succession of the Line have story boards and my break is coming up, so all will get attention.

Dirk sat in some café, it didn’t smell like a Starbucks and the coffee was better, probably one of the more upper class cafes with fair trade coffee beans. Roxy was all about fair trade and all that, got it from her boyfriend John. She was always for equality, John didn’t influence that, he just made her more upfront about it, gave her all the pamphlets. No, Roxy was always about equality, but she was more focused on those with disabilities before. She became a nurse with the purpose of help people like him, like her brother. She was the one to convince him to put the ad out, insisted on background checking everyone before he was allowed to meet them, at least he convinced her to let him handle the interviews alone.

The braille sheet was in front of him, full of relevant question the siblings had worked together to come up with. His sister was great, but he wasn’t sure he wanted a caretaker. He was tired of always being that person whom people had to think of before they did anything in the house. Memories of his Bro, Dave, yelling at Roxy for leaving stuff on the floor where Dirk could trip on it. That’s what the sight stick is for, try telling Dave, the biggest mother hen anyone would ever know, that. No, Dirk was some precious baby that needed protecting, and even though his family meant the best and truly care, he wanted to make his own decisions, live his own life. Maybe a dog would be better, Roxy made him promise to give the caretaker idea a shot though, as much as it pained him.

“You must be Dirk. Nice to meet you, I’m Callie.” Must be, because his lack of sight defines him. The shades that hide his glossy white eyes and the sight stick he carries around are bright flashing lights declaring his identity and his vulnerability all at once. It really shouldn’t bug him this fucking much, he’s heard the same thing for twenty-six years, but it does. He sweeps the assumption under the rug, he can’t really get upset with the woman, as much as he’d like to, complaining only makes him look like an angst filled teen again. Memories of him lashing out at family members flood back in as he pushes them aside and begins the interview.

Callie was nice enough, a bright voice, good answers to the standard care questions and she seemed to genuinely care…exactly like his sister and exactly like the other seven girls he interviewed after her. Roxy really wanted someone like herself caring for Dirk and while he appreciated the gesture, he was actually hoping for someone a little different. Maybe a guy? He only had a few friends in high school who were guys, most of the males wanted to play some sort of sport as a group activity. Dirk wouldn’t have minded tagging along and hearing them play as he sat on the sidelines, but he never even got that far. Teenage boys and disabilities they had never experienced, often resulted in awkward conversation of misunderstandings. Dirk was fine with it, but most would rather not try at all, than try and fail, even in the smallest sense of the word. The girls were always a bit more inclusive. That’s not to say he didn’t have male friends, he did, four of them…well two of them. He grew greatly suspicious of two of his “friends” when they started asking questions about his sister. Probably using him to get to Roxy, kicked their asses to the curb real quick. One of them was John, but he never asked questions about Roxy, he was probably the most genuine guy in the world and Dirk was happy to hear John ask Roxy out. The other friend was Karkat, a foul mouthed son of a bitch who never hesitated to call Dirk out when he was wallowing in self-pity. Despite his foul mouth, he was a huge softy, always made Dirk watch romcoms with him, a lot of people thought they were dating, but Dirk never saw Karkat that way, and he’s pretty sure Karkat never saw him that way. He was as gay as they come, but Karkat was always a friend and nothing more. Karkat was at a school on the other side of the country, destined to become an engineer or a fashion designer, who knows. He was always very secretive about his career aspirations, he made it into a university and took off; Dirk still saw him during winter and summer break though.

The last interviewee seemed late, he heard someone pass his shoulder, “Excuse me, what time is it?”

“5:15”

“Thanks.” The asshole was fifteen minutes late, clearly not caretaker material. Dirk needed some fresh air, fuck that last candidate. He paid his bill and left.

The cool evening air hit his skin, the beginnings of autumn, soon winter would be here, his favorite season. He liked the cold, something about it made him feel alive, like his could feel the air in his lungs, smell the snow and taste the sleepy haze of the earth. A time when most animals went into hibernation or left, and all was quiet. It was like a world meant for him, people complained about the darkness, but it made Dirk oddly happy, even though he couldn’t see the same darkness everyone else could.

He walked to the local park, grazing his hands along the low branches, a leaf dropping into his hand. He sat on a nearby bench, holding the surely red or orange leaf. It didn’t have the rubber veneer feeling of the green, but wasn’t a brittle brown yet either, it had to red or orange, maybe yellow. Life goes in cycles, the growing, the blooming, the aging, the dead, rebirth and repeat. Maybe when you have sight you see it every year and forget to feel it, Dirk was not bogged down with such luxuries. He felt every season and it reminded him that he always felt like he was standing still. Dave was off doing some amazing Hollywood thing; Rose was writing wizard porn or whatever fiction that was all the rage with kids these days; Roxy was a nurse, going up in her career and making friends like Jane, they all had their own lives. Lives they could choose and lives that could be completely independent of anyone else, he wanted that. That’s it, when he gets home he’ll tell Roxy that he’s just going to get a dog. He should be allowed to live by himself and live as he decides. Not someone else. …Yeah, he’s not going to get that, not with Roxy’s and Dave’s overprotective nature.

“Excuse me, are you Dirk Strider?” A light, timid male voice graced his ear.

“Who wants to know?” Why does this person know his name? Who the hell is he? Shit, is this a kidnapping? Are they going to hold him for ransom or something against his bro? Bastards probably want to make money off his bro’s fortune, and Dave would pay them whatever they wanted. Well too bad bastards, he can fight and he will kick your ass.

“I’m so sorry, my name is Jake English. I was supposed to meet you at the café, I was running late and I missed you. The waitress said she had seen you head towards the park, so I was hoping I might have caught you?” Oh.

“Hello Jake. Look, I appreciate that you went through the trouble of tracking me down, but I think I’ve decided to go with a dog.”

“Please, just give me a chance. I’m an excellent cook, I’m red cross certified, I’m well aware of all your needs and I guarantee I could be a great asset to you.”

“Says the man who was at least twenty minutes late to his appointment.”

“I’m truly very sorry about that, I can 100% promise that it will not happen again.”

This guy is a dork, but he’s the only male that showed up today. He seems pretty meek, so Dirk could probably get what he wanted most of the time, and for once he would be choosing someone on his own. Someone who at least filled some of the things he wanted in a caretaker, Jake wasn’t necessarily them, but Dirk could probably get some sort of compromise with Jake. And if this, Jake, really can cook maybe Dirk could actually get a nice burger, no more vegan food!

“Alright Jake, if you can defeat me, you’re hired.” He should be allowed some fun first though. He stood up, and took a fighting stance.

“What?! There is no way in heaven or hell I would fight a-a-a disabled person. Look, I really need this job, but this is ridiculous! Can’t we just ta-,“ Dirk smacked him with his sight stick, hard and right in the face. Let this guy know he’s not just a “disabled person,” he’s a fucking fighter and is so much more than a fucking disability. He heard the guy crumple to the ground, that’s right, weren’t expecting that were you? “Excuse me, sir.”

“Yes.”

“Are you by chance, Daredevil?”

“Pfft..ha-ahahahahaha” He couldn’t believe he was laughing, but he was. He definitely idolized Daredevil as a kid, but to actually be called him. It was funny, but there was this strange relief that came with it. Jake acknowledged that he could take care of himself, that he had the power to kick his ass. He didn’t try to play it down, he emphasized it by comparing him to a superhero. Maybe this Jake guy would be alright. If he could admit that Dirk kicked his ass, he at least deserved a try. “Get up Jake.” Rustling was heard and a few nervous breaths of laughter came from the beaten young male. He had a nice laugh, not nasally or annoying, not boisterous either. “Can I see what you look like?”

“Sure.” No hesitance at his use of the word “see,” he’s not stupid, that’s good. Dirk reached forward, Jake grasped his wrist and directed his hand to the interviewee’s face. The blonde felt his broad forehead and large eyes, high cheek bones, straight nose, and an adequate jawline. “Hah, you look like a nerd.” He heard more nervous laughter. “Well, if you’re calling me Daredevil, you must be a nerd, might as well look the part.” Dirk reached into his pocket for the prepared paper from Roxy, handing it to Jake he said “Come to that address at 2pm tomorrow. If you’re late again your fired.”

He heard a large burst of air released with relief. “Thank you! You won’t regret it.”

“Don’t thank me yet, you still have to meet my nurses.” He sensed a smile anyway and heard footsteps retreating, what an interesting guy.

When he arrives home Roxy checks him for injuries and asks a thousand questions finally ending with, “So, was there anyone you liked?”

“Yeah, one of them, I told them to come by tomorrow.”

“What was their name?”

“Jake English.”

“Wow, the guy. Great, I’m glad.”

“You’re going to flirt with him aren’t you.”

“Yep.”

“How is John not annoyed by that.”

“He understands that I must make sure my brother’s caretaker has the eye on the prize, namely, you. The man cannot be distracted by women while he is on the clock; or use you like some fucking puppy dog to show what a wonderful person he is, to pick up girls.”

“For one of the nicest people I know, you are very cynical.”

“Runs in the family, bro.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Why is there blood on you stick?”

“Is there?”

“Yes, where did you go!?”

“Relax, I think it’s from when I hit Jake with it.”

“You mean the person coming here tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“Why’d you hit him?”

“Because he wouldn’t fight me.”

Roxy let out an exasperated, but amused little noise. “And he still took the job.”

“Yep.”

She smiled to herself, the guy must be desperate, but it was clear that Dirk liked him. And it wasn’t often that Dirk liked anyone, this guy would be good for him.


	2. Meeting the Nurses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this: http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/144766202529/my-friend-the-frog-haha-more-doodles-sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I'm not good at establishing stuff. Please excuse the awkwardly written chapter. It will get better, with this out of the way we can see more goofy and adorable DirkJake moments. And once they have a better established working relationship the fun can really start B).

Jake English showed up at the address at the appointed time, deep breaths, tingling phantoms ran through him. “Ah! Are you the new caretaker?”

Jake turned around to see curvy, medium height woman with stunning blue eyes, framed by square rimmed glasses that looked almost exactly like his own. “Uh, yes! I was under the impression that the nurses had some questions for me? Mister Strider gave me the address and –“

“Whoa, call him Dirk. He may be your employer, but there isn’t a need to be so formal. I’m one of the nurses, the other being Dirk’s sister, Roxy. We want someone who will take care of Dirk, but will also be there for him on a more personal level. This is a very personal job and we want Dirk to be comfortable with whoever gets it.”

“Yes, of course.”

“So, loosen up. Dirk liked you enough to give you his address, you’re in good standing right now.”

Jake smiled, took another deep breath as Jane unlocked the door. Dirk was sitting in a large comfy looking chair, while Roxy was nearly at the front of the door when they entered. Jake saw Jane put a finger to her lips as she circled around the furniture. “Anyone there Rox?” Asked Dirk, standing up. Jane was right behind him and placed her hand under his shades and over his eyes.

“Hey Dirk! Guess who?” She giggled.

“Jane, I swear to god I’m going to kill you and hide the body in Roxy’s bed.” Both girls were laughing hard and Jake felt the tightness in his shoulders release a little.

He took in the living room. A sofa, a big chair, a coffee table, tv, lamps, pretty much your average living room; there was child proof capping around the edges of the coffee table, which Jake thought was unnecessary, but wasn’t about to say anything. Everything was neat and orderly, Roxy helped Dirk around the furniture to meet Jake, the boy clearly irritated, but resigned to the superfluous help.

“Jake?”

“Yes?”

“I need you to strip, and touch you.”

“WHAT?! WHY?! Dirk what in the name of-“

“I need to make sure you aren’t hiding any weapons to kill the helpless blind guy while I sleep, so you can claim my bro’s fortune.”

Roxy interjected. “Dirk that’s why we’re here, remember? Jake spread ‘em”

“What?!”

“Up against the wall.” Added Jane. “We’re going to pat you down.”

Jake complied, a deep crimson blush spreading across his face. Roxy patted down his legs, torso and arms, finding only an inhaler in the process. “You have asthma?”

“Allergy related asthma, yes, but it’s not so serious anymore, since I moved here. The pollen count never gets really high here, so I haven’t had an attack in years. I mostly carry it around for safety’s sake.”

“A cautious thinker, I like him.” Roxy declared. “Has an ass that won’t quit too, good choice Dirk.”

“Thanks, you know I’ve got that booty radar.”

Jake blushed, sitting down. “So, what do I need to know to properly care for Dirk?”

Jane took mercy on him, “C’mon, I’ll show you the kitchen and explain his diet to you.” Jake followed her while the Dirk and Roxy murmured in the corner. Jane walked towards the wall near the oven, “Okay, we’ve prepared a seven-day meal plan for you, there’s a week’s worth of groceries prepared, so you won’t have to worry about that for a little bit; although we’ve prepared a grocery list for you as well.” Jake looked over the meal plans, it was certainly odd, like nothing he had seen before. What was “Seitan a la Normandie”? Or “Bulgur Walnut Loaf”?  He kept his mouth shut for fear hurting his chances of keeping the job, they could kick him out right now. Suddenly, he felt gentle hands brushing hair away from his face. “You look worried, don’t be. We know most people aren’t vegan, it’s okay if it takes some time for you to figure this stuff out. Roxy plans to stay for a few days to train you in everything she does.” Jane beamed at him and he felt himself relax. When her gazed lingered he look to see her eyeing him rather spacy look, her gaze wandered down stopping at his rear end. She seemed to realize he was looking at her and stopped, blushing. Jake felt his face heat up again as well.

“Gee, ah, wh-what else should I know?” Did Jane just smirk? Shit, she’s cute when she bites her lip, no focus.

“Dirk hates vegan food, but it’s best for him to eat it anyway. Don’t let him bully you into changing the menu.”

“Is there a medical reason for Dirk eating vegan food?”

“It’s more his sister’s preference than anything medical. It is really healthy and has been working for him, so I’m hesitant to change anything.”

“Does he have other medical conditions I should know about?”

 “His blindness was caused by Retinitis Pigmentosa, so there’s nothing other than his eyesight that was affected. He does, however, have non-24, a circadian rhythm disorder that will sometimes make him overwhelmingly sleepy during the day, but awake at night.”

“Is he getting treatment for that?”

“There aren’t really any treatments available for him. We’ve been experimenting with sleep medication, anti-depressants, and a variety of other things to help him. We’ve found a tentative working solution with a mild sedative and a consistent schedule. You’ll have to give him his medication around midnight and force him to bed around one.”

“That late?”

Jane laughed. “None of us are early risers. Are you?”

Jake shook his head. “Only when I have to be. Naturally I tend to go to bed around two and get up at ten.”

“You should fit right in then. Now, I’ll give you a tour of the house.”

Jane showed Jake to all of the important areas, Dirk’s room, the laundry room, the bathroom, the outside covered deck, and what will be his room. “It’s not very spacious, but you should be comfortable, it’s part of the job and part of your salary.”

Jake gazed at the nice looking furniture, it was plain, but looked expensive and modern. Not particularly his taste, but he wasn’t about to complain about the accommodations. “Roxy’s room is across from yours, if you have any questions during training or any emergencies come up.”

“Righto.”

“Plus, the bed is super comfy.” Jane flopped herself on the bed, with the very soft looking comforter. She half sat up in a slightly seductive looking pose that Jake ignored, it’s not like there was a dignified way she could lay on the bed. Just because she looked good on the bed didn’t mean she meant anything by it.  This is a very socially intimate setting, it’s probably natural for this group and, oh god, she’s looking at him, peeking above her glasses. Jake blushed and avoided eye contact. Nothing could keep him from getting this job, flirting back, or worse, misinterpreting these signs was not the thing to do.

Jake stood awkwardly, avoiding eye contact. Jane eventually peeled herself off the bed and Jake thanked whatever job god was out there. She was truly a stunning lady, and he was only human.

“Now, I’m going to show you how to prepare seiten. It’s a different from tofu, but we use seiten more often.”

The two cooked together as Jane explained the process of preparing vegan food. Jake understood it well enough. When they were finished the four sat down to a table and ate, Dirk perfectly adept with a fork, although his sister kept using her hand to guide him every time he missed food on his plate. The blonde huffed, pushing her hand away from his, a light blush coating his cheeks. Something was said under his breath, sounding like “not a baby,” before his sister focused on her own meal. The food had an unusual taste to it, caught somewhere between blandness and a flavor Jake could not place. Dirk looked as though he was resigned to the food, not particularly enjoying it, like Roxy, nor was he pouting. Food just seemed to be nothing more than fuel for him, eating it in a manner that conveyed necessity rather than satisfaction from the meal. Jake pondered when the poor guy had a burger, if he had a burger. Not that vegan food was bad, the meal itself had its own charm, and he understood those that adopted it for health reasons or a feeling of moral obligation. Neither of these reasons were his though, and he suspected neither applied to Dirk as well. Dirk didn’t seem entirely happy with having a caretaker, Roxy’s doting and their conversation yesterday suggested that he desired more independence in his life and in his choices. Perhaps he could win the blonde’s favor with some choice dishes once training was over.

Jake noticed the girls exchanging what appeared to be a complex series of coded facial expressions, which ended with Roxy declaring. “Well Jake, you’ve got the job. When can you move in?”

“I can move in as early as tonight, or whenever is good for you.”

The girls exchanged surprised glances, Dirk looked impassive. Roxy inquired, “Don’t you need to give your landlord notice?”

Jake shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “Well, you see, I’ve been living out of a storage unit about two miles from here.” More shocked glances, as Jake bowed his head in embarrassment and Dirk continued to pick at his food. “I’d hit a rough patch a couple months back, couldn’t afford my apartment.”

“How did you cook? Or shower?” Roxy, immune to all sense of privacy continued “What did you sleep on?”

“The unit was big enough for a mattress, and I’ve used a hotplate when I can. Mostly canned soup and sandwiches.”

“I insist that you stay here tonight, we’ll start your training immediately.”

Jake smiled and nodded, “Great.”

“Your first task is to give Dirk a bath.” Jake’s smile falters for a moment, he’s a little surprised. However, he regained his control after a fraction of a second, it was Dirk who piped up.

“Already putting him on bath duty? Got a skype date with John?”

“Yep.”

Roxy showed him where the bathroom was, Dirk tagging along behind them. She showed him how to work the shower, where the towels were, where shampoo, conditioner, and body wash was. “I’m going to leave you to it then.”

Jake filled the tub as Dirk undressed behind him, he couldn’t help but notice the blonde’s body. He wasn’t exactly muscular, but he was toned, there was a modest definition in his arms, back, and legs, his stomach was as flat as a board, and his skin was perfectly smooth. Jake guided him toward the tub and silently used a nearby cup to pour the warm water over his body. Once the water was high enough Jake shut of the faucet and got to work washing Dirk’s body, starting with his back. Jake didn’t remark on the fact that Dirk could easily wash himself, but the other male seemed to pick up on his judgement nonetheless.

“You can give me the washcloth, I can do it myself.”

“I was going to say, for someone that managed to take down a 175-pound male yesterday, you don’t strike me as the type that would need help with this sort of thing.”

“Yeah, well, try telling that to Roxy.”

“I notice she didn’t leave your side.”

“Rarely ever does, if she leaves, Jane is always right there too.” Like yesterday, the girls don’t realize he can hear things pretty easily and is usually alert enough to pay attention. Jane had followed him, he hadn’t even really done the interviews by himself. Jane caught the girls on the way out and asked them more questions. She would’ve done the same with Jake if it weren’t for the fact that she would have lost Dirk in the process. They went to that café fairly regularly, Roxy even made him do a dry run just to make sure he could get there on his own, and still, he had a chaperone.

“Sounds positively stifling.”

“It is.”

“Why did you agree with the caretaker business? Why not demand a dog? You’re an adult and all that. Show her those superhero moves you’ve got?”

“It’s not just her, it’s my brother too. He’s has to live in New York, not really my place. I convinced him to let me live here, even though it’s on the opposite side of the country, only because Roxy was here. Neither of them believe I can do anything on my own….” Silence filled the space and pity filled Jake’s heart.

“What would be some things you would like to do if your brother and sister weren’t around.”

“Mostly just take care of myself. I can put on my own clothes, wash myself, get to bed by myself. I just don’t want to be treated like a child anymore.”

“Anything bigger?”

“Haven’t really thought about it.”

As Dirk washes himself Jake washes his hair, reassuring Dirk that it’s only to expedite the bathing process and once training is over he’s on his own in the bath department. “…Thanks,” a quiet word to convey his gratitude, maybe he will get to be more independent.

Jake gave him a towel when they’re done and gave Dirk some privacy to dry off. The blonde doesn’t mention that Roxy never let him do this, a warmth grows in his chest, Jake’s a good guy. He wraps the towel around his waist when he’s done and re-enters his room.

“Here’s your pajamas and some underwear.”

“Thanks.”

“Your sister usually dresses you too?”

“Yeah, but I’d really appreciate it if you would let me dress myself.”

“Sure thing. My back is turned, but I’m afraid to go out there and tip your sister off.”

“Okay.”

Jake hears Dirk drop his clothes a couple times, trying to negotiate which item he had in his hand at the time. The blonde quickly figures it out though and is dressed, with no further difficulties.

When the boys come out of the room Roxy greets them “Good job, English! He looks great. Jane’s going to give you a ride to your storage unit since it’s late. Pick up enough stuff for a couple of days and this weekend we’ll bring the rest of your stuff over. Sound good?”

“Yes, thank you so much.”

 


	3. Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s part three! I’m tired and my brain doesn’t want to work, so please forgive any grammar mistakes in this chapter.

Roxy spent the next two days instructing Jake of everything he must do to take care of Dirk. From setting his alarm (despite the fact that the alarm was specifically made for a blind person to use), to how to cook his meals and do his laundry, to getting him to bed at night. She tucked her brother in even after repeated dissent from the vision impaired individual. Mostly, day to day stuff was covered. Dirk, aside from the unique struggles of his impairment was exceptionally easy to take care of. He kept to himself, could manage a good deal on his own (more if his sister would let him), and mostly worked on what appeared to be a type of mixing board. So long as things weren’t littering the floor and Jake kept the backyard free of rouge vines and other tripping hazards, the job wouldn’t be too difficult.

Roxy said her farewells, holding Dirk in a two-minute hug filled with uncomfortable squirming from the blond male. Finally, she let go, kissed his forehead and reminded Jake of their scheduled visit one month from that day. Jake confirmed, wrote down the date in his planner and saw Roxy out. The brunette peeked out the window, waiting to see the top of her red sedan to ensure she was actually gone.

She ended up coming back. “Forgot a few files.” She said. More like strategically left them there. She wasn’t fooling anyone, but the boys held their tongues. Waiting patiently for her to “find” her paper work and leave once more. The crimson car drove off and Jake raced back to his room. He wanted Dirk to like him, he wanted to bond with his charge, and what better way than with food? Roxy needed soy milk for breakfast, Jake volunteered to leave that morning, stopping by a bakery along the way. Two chocolate croissants sneaked in one of his cargo pockets, now safely tucked behind his pillows for this exact moment.

“Jake? Dude what the fuck?” The blonde had heard and felt Jake run by, now using his stick and outreached hand looking for his caretaker. “So, as soon as Roxy’s gone you can’t wait to get away from me?”

Jake approached Dirk in the hallway, “Not so, Mr. Stri-“

“Dirk, please, for the love of god, stop calling me Mister Strider.”

“Right, of course. Dirk, I have a present for you.” The baked good underneath Dirk’s nose. The wonderful decadent aroma of a butter laden, chocolate filled, unhealthy-but-completely-worth-it treat flooded the boy’s nasal passages; making his mouth water.

“When..?”

“This morning when I was getting the soy milk. I think it’s time to let our taste buds live again, don’t you think?” Dirk grabbed the pastry, taking a large bit, allowing himself to fall against the wall, savoring the flavor.

“Dirk?”

“I’m in heaven. Oh god, I haven’t tasted something this good in years. I owe you.”

“Well, hold on to your hat, I was thinking of going out and getting real meat for dinner. Anything in particular you’d like?”

“Burger, I’d kill for good cheeseburger.”

“Alright then, cheeseburger it is. What cheese?”

“Cheddar?”

“What else?’

“Ketchup, onion and lettuce, please.”

“Fries, chips, or tater tots?”

“Fries!”

“You got it.”

Dirk’s face lit up more than he would have liked, but food, delicious, artery clogging food. He didn’t even care if it was some ploy to butter him up or if Jake was just sick of the health food himself. He was going to eat red meat for the first time in seven years.

Jake didn’t want to say anything to ruin the moment, but Dirk had a rather endearing look when he was overjoyed about something. He was nearly bouncing with excitement. His reaction was more than Jake had hoped for, the blonde was like a kid in a candy store…a really cute kid…in a platonic way of course.

“Alright, will you be fine here by yourself for a bit?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

 

Dirk listened for the door to shut behind Jake and made his way to his room. Feeling around on the top of his dresser he found his ipod and the attached headphones, slipping them on he allowed himself to dance a little, hyped about his dinner and super charged by his sugar laden snack.

 

Jake was an exceptionally fast shopper, out the door and back in only a half an hour, hands weighed down with the bags from the grocery store down the street. He unlocked and entered, hearing the chime of the top of the door, a nice device to let Dirk know when anyone opened or closed a door, every door in the house had one. “Dirk? I’m home.” The adventurer listened, but was greeted with silence. He set the food down in the kitchen, checking every room with increasing speed, until he came upon Dirk’s room. The blonde was dancing, and pretty well to.

Shaking his shoulders and moving his hips in perfect rhythm, Jake couldn’t tell what song he was listening to, but Dirk seemed to move with sharpness and precision, qualities that Jake rarely saw in regular dancing. It almost had a hypnotic quality to it. Gorgeous and alluring, and -nope, he’s your boss. Thankfully the trance was broken by, what Jake can only assume to be, a new song. All that precision and beauty was replaced it awkward limb flailing and enough spinning to worry Jake that the boy would hurt himself. Dirk stumbled a little, but regained his balance after a moment. Feeling around and grabbing his discarded stick, the blonde slipped off one of the headphones from his ear and started to make his way to the door. Jake, quickly moved back to the front door, waited to see the sight stick, peeking around the corner and opened, then closed to door, in the most natural way he could muster. Moving into the kitchen quickly, he lifted and set the bags down again, before calling out. “Dirk! I’m home!”

“I’m right here.”

“Ah, here.”

Jake handed him an orange. “Eat that, so I can tell your sister I’m feeding you nutritious food and not lie about it.”

“Can do.” Dirk felt for a nearby chair in the kitchen nook, seating himself, while he listened to Jake bustle around the kitchen. The brunette worked differently from Roxy. There was a sequence to his movements, but less actual moving around the kitchen. He seemed to gather everything together before making his meal. Unlike Roxy, who would grab stuff as she went. He also didn’t talk much. Roxy would tell Dirk every detail of everything she did and every conversation she had that day and then what she still had to do. Jake was different, he wasn’t silent, he hummed off-key to himself; something that sounded like an old jazz song crossed with some current top 40s pop song. It was weird, but at the same time complimented the sizzling of meat and the rhythm of chopping. The oven beeped, preheated. Jake slipped something in. A strategic symphony of heterogeneous sounds coming together to make something almost melodic. The kitchen warmed from the stove and oven, creating a blanket for Dirk’s now cooled down body. An odd lulling feeling of safety.  How tame he is, the guy’s been in the house for all of a few days and he feels as if he could fall asleep here at the kitchen table. For someone who fought so hard for his independence here he was doing the same thing he was doing when Roxy was caring for him. It was nice though, a nice feeling.

Delectable smells filled the air, Dirk crossed his arms, using them as a pillow for his head, as he listened to the sound of peace.

CRASH

Well, until that moment. “Well that was bloody brilliant!” He sounded almost frustrated.

“Is everything alright?”

“Oh! When did you get here?”

The blind male suppressed a smirk. “I never left.”

“Oh…” A red hue laced his words. Dirk covered his mouth, hiding how much he liked it. “I-I just dropped the tray with the buns on it. I was toasting them.”

“Toasting your hot buns?”

“Well they’re not-HEY!”

Dirk snickered. Stupid joke, but Jake was so easy to fluster it was amusing.

Jake huffed and went about finishing their dinner. A distinctly quieter experience than before, maybe Dirk shouldn’t make jokes like that this early in their rel- work relationship. He may be a caretaker, but Jake needed respect too…it wasn’t even a GOOD joke though. Was Jake more upset with the innuendo or the poor quality of the joke. Then again, maybe Dirk’s taking things out of proportion. The guy was cooking dinner and he did just drop something, maybe he was just concentrating. Should Dirk apologize? Would that be weird when Jake could have just as easily forgotten already or brushed it off? Bringing it up again could end up blowing it out of proportion, resulting in awkwardness and Jake having to reassure him that he wasn’t offended. No, best wait until he has more information to go on.

A clank of plate on table drew the blonde out of his haze. “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask how you like your burger cooked.”

“Oh, well-done.”

“Thank god, that’s how I cooked them; it’s how I like them, I just forgot to ask.”

“It’s all good.”

“Yes. Ah, here’s your plate.” Dirk felt in from of him, the soft springy bun, lettuce felt on the palm of his hand, peeking out past the edge of the bun. Everything warm and deliciously scented.” The blonde took a bite, an explosion of flavor hitting his tongue, Jake seasoned these very well. There were no words to describe how absolutely decadent the cheese burger tasted. “So…what do you think?” The guy was nervous, seriously, this is like tasting heaven.

“Holy shit, you’re a good cook.” Dirk heard a puff of air released across from him, like a happy sigh of relief when someone realizes they’ve been holding their breath in anticipation and it paid off.

“Thank you. I’m pleased that you like it.”

“Like it? This is fantastic, how could anyone not love it. They’d have to have shit taste buds not to love this.”

An almost audible smile graced Jake’s lips as he watched his charge dig into his dinner. He was smiling again, although he probably didn’t realize it. The sun was starting to set, a ray of sun shining in through the window catching his hair nicely. He was a gorgeous guy. Jake wondered idly why Dirk didn’t choose a woman to be his care taker, the buns comment seemed like nothing more than a poor attempt to fluster him, and even though he succeeded it appeared to be just a rib at Jake. Maybe his own way of trying to lighten the mood or communicate. Oh! Dirk was certainly a bit awkward, perhaps he was too shy to have a female other than his sister or her friend taking care of him. The brunette explored this line of thought as they ate. A comfortable silence spreading across the table, soft sounds of chewing or the crunch of the lettuce. Maybe he could help Dirk find a girlfriend, teach him how to talk to people. The very idea caused a pang of remorse in Jake’s chest.

Truth was, he couldn’t deny being attracted to Dirk, the boy was gorgeous and for all intents and purposes seemed to mean well, but Dirk was far more likely to be heterosexual, unlike Jake’s own pansexuality. And besides, he was Dirk’s caretaker, he would not let his own attraction get in the way of his work. It wouldn’t be right for him to say anything, actually it would be really creepy. Jake gave that boy three baths over the past four days. That’s like saying “Yeah, after seeing your naked awesome bod, not to mention that nice c-“ Nope, nope nope. Jake shook his head blushing madly. Not going there, not even thinking about it, oh god he was sick. Taking advantage of his position to ogle Dirk- but it’s not like he was really ogling at the time! In the moment he was very focused on completing the task at hand. It was only after the fact that he thought about how good- ENOUGH!

Dirk’s plate was clean, “Thanks for the food.”

“Your welcome.” Jake said in the steadiest voice he could muster. Dirk didn’t appear to hear any difference. The blonde moved to get out of his chair, when Jake noticed a glob of ketchup on the corner of his mouth. “Wait.” Jake stood up, leaning over the table, using his napkin to wipe away the offending condiment. “There, you just had a little something there. I got it.”

“Thanks.” Dirk nodded and left, praying to god his face wasn’t bright red, why did that feel like such an intimate moment? Jake remained at the table, food only half eaten, thinking about what a horrible person he is.

 

A few hours later, Dirk declared that he was going to take a shower. Jake went into the bathroom with him, book in hand. He placed his book on the sink countertop. Taking Dirk’s hand he showed him which knobs to turn, in order to get the temperature he wanted, before turning around and allowing Dirk some privacy while he disrobed and entered the shower and pulled the curtain shut. Also, to prove to himself that he wasn’t a total creep. Jake closed the toilet lid and sat there reading his book in silence, just in case Dirk needed anything, which he eventually did. Jake had to clarify which was the shampoo and which was the conditioner, other than that though, the male did a fine job showering himself. He was able to turn off the water, take his towel from the curtain rod and wrapping it around himself.

“You still here?”

“Yes, and dry your hair!” Jake jumped up, grabbing the other towel from the curtain rod and draping it over Dirk’s head. Rubbing back and forth to aid the drying process, as Dirk was already on the move. “You’ll catch a cold.”

“That’s an old wives’ tale.”

“Well, I’d rather not risked it!” The blonde sighed, feeling his to the edge of his bed before sitting down.

“Fine, give it.” Jake handed him the towel and watched doggedly to make sure Dirk dried his hair properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, both boys experience some level of attraction. They won't act on it for a long time though. Get ready for awkward moments and unresolved sexual tension in many upcoming chapters.


	4. Pranks, passions, and unexpected reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here it is. I’m sorry if some of the writing isn’t very good in this chapter. I had some difficulty with it, the first half in particular.

Jake had spent the morning grocery shopping, ensuring that the house was well stocked with actual food, not the tasteless imitation of it. He had bought a cake, Dirk apparently hadn’t had chocolate cake, real chocolate cake, in about five years. Plus, all of the good trash food, Cheetos, chips, Twinkies, some beef jerky, and a slew of relatively healthy food. The menu was all set for the next week. The two boys had been getting along, Dirk showed Jake his hobby of mixing music, he was actually quite the musician, ten different instruments in his room and he could play them all with ease and skill. He thought fondly of it as he drove home.

_Dirk was as enthusiastic as ever, lighting up as he talked about his passion. “And this is a sitar, it has a really interesting sound that’s sometimes hard to work in, it can easily go badly or sound off, if you do it right though, it takes the music to a new level.”_

_Jake gave an affirmative noise, letting Dirk know he was listening. He watched as the blonde picked up the next instrument, a violin, feeling for the bow as his hair swept down covering his eyes, he hadn’t styled it yet today. Jake reached forward to move the hair out of his way, so he could see the lovely structure of Dirk’s face. It was so often blocked by his shades._

_Just as his fingertips were to make contact, Dirk found the bow and sat up. The brunette, realizing what he almost did, quickly retracted his hand and asked Dirk to play something for him. The blonde immediately began playing one of Beethoven’s sonatas as Jake watched in awe._

_The blind male’s natural beauty came out when he played, his features melting into a dreamy fantasy where the details of his form were made of unicorn tears, collected into an enchanted bowl and mixed with honey from the eternity of wonder, shaped in human form. Jake was whisked away, to soar in the clouds of splendor and see the world as beauty rather than the unending struggle._

_When the song finished Dirk smiled, different from before, like he meant Jake to see it. “Playing like this, it makes me feel…. I don’t know. Alive.”  He asked if his caretaker would like to hear something else, when Jake said no, the scrawny male proceeded to play the entire Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack on violin, insisting Jake dance the Time Warp. Surprisingly, he was able to tell when Jake wasn’t giving it his all._

He looked unseeingly through his glasses and reflected on how easily Dirk’s opened up to him, a swell of satisfaction settled in his chest. He pulled into the driveway, unloading as many bags as he could carry. He ended up overestimating his own strength, barely holding onto the items as he negotiated the doorway. Calling out, “I’m home! The shopping is a little heavy, could you help me with it?” Dirk was far from helpless and stronger than he looked, plus he seemed to like it when Jake asked him for help with simple chores. “Dirk? Dirk?”

An arresting sight lay before him, his heart stopped and everything moved in slow motion. The bags dropped from his hands as he rushed to the collapsed pale form in their living room. His voice echoing in his head and throughout the room “Dirk!”

The world suddenly hit fast forward, his heart beating out of his chest, his mind racing as he lifted the limp form. “Oh my god, what happened? Are you okay?! I’ll call an ambulance!!” The words spill so fast out of his mouth they were barely understandable. His mind couldn’t even process his own thoughts, patting himself blindly, running on an ingrained routine, drilled into him from childhood. Help, help, help.

“Jake?”

“Yes, I’m here.” He’s breathless and pure adrenaline is running through his veins. Dirk needs him.

“I’m cold…. My limbs feel numb.” A weak voice with a feeble attempt to reach out and find his guardian.

Jake dropped his phone, grasping Dirk’s hand tightly, desperate to give some comfort. The words sinking in and bringing tears to his eyes. He fucked up. This guy, this wonderful, amazing, stunning guy had lived with his family for twenty-six years, less than a month with Jake and he is ready to meet his maker. Shit.

God, he shouldn’t have left for so long. He shouldn’t have allowed that woman to cut in front of him. Every second he wasted on his shopping trip was a moment Dirk had laid here, suffering. “Hang in there chum.” His voice shaky and strained. Lips about to give a kiss of comfort on the blonde’s forehead.

“Everything is getting darker. I can’t **see** anything.”

“…Wait.”

“Ha ha”

Jake dropped the blonde immediately. That cheeky bastard, playing Jake like that. The brunette stepped away, half relieved, half furious. He walked slightly unsteadily back to the groceries, hoping that none of the fruit was bruised. His hands shook from the excitement moments before, tears still wet on his face. He took a silent shuttering breath as he let the truth of the situation flood into him, pleading his nerves to calm down. Dirk was okay.

“Shit dude, you can’t take a joke, can you?!”

Jake chose not to respond, the blonde could get himself off the floor.

Jake opted not to tell Dirk about the chocolate cake. Petty? Yes. He didn’t care, pettiness was all he had in that moment. It took forty-five godforsaken minutes to really calm himself. Even at that moment, there was a phantom worry pressing on the edges of his mind. He ended up checking on Dirk and returning to the place living room to make sure the body wasn’t actually there anymore, several times before dinner was finished. Dirk thanked and complimented him on the food, he accepted the compliment and the gratitude. Things returned mostly to their normal rhythm after dinner. The caretaker stayed close by during his charge’s shower, a little lingering worry that Dirk might slip and fall. Nothing came of his anxieties and soon both were in bed.

Little did Jake know, Dirk was a light sleeper. He could tell Jake had checked on him three times, the sound of soft feet on carpet was clear. This wasn’t anything new to him. Roxy sometimes did this, but it was weird coming from Jake. He was about to speak up, when he heard Jake whisper to himself “He’s fine, stop worrying. It was a joke.” A pang of guilt hit him. Of course Jake was worried, it was his job to take care of Dirk, and the blonde made him think he had failed.

He should apologize tomorrow.

Dirk awoke with the apology on the tip of his tongue. He searched out Jake to make amends. He made his way to Jake’s room, and the kitchen, his music room, and the backyard. “Jake?” He was getting nervous. Did one stupid fucking joke chase his caretaker away?

A faint “Over here, Dirk.” Reached the blonde’s ears and he made his way to the living room, his stick instantly hitting something that wasn’t supposed to be in his walk way. He felt it, it was the coffee table. He maneuvered his way around it, acutely aware, searching out the sofa, after several steps he had yet to find it. He had zero bearings, Jake had moved the furniture. Bastard.

“Jake, you are the biggest asshole in the story of the whole universe!”

“Can’t you take a joke?”

“You- “

“I can be quite the actor, can’t I? Tell me, what did you think of last night?”

Oh my god…. he’d been fucking played. Dirk couldn’t help but laugh a little as he continued to sputter “asshole,” “bastard,” “prick,” and the occasional “smart ass fucker.” Jake was constantly moving around the room, from the sound of it he was jumping on things as well. Dirk wasn’t about to let up though, he continued his pursuit, twice stumbling over his own feet and catching the corners of the furniture.

At one point he realized he couldn’t even tell where he was in regards to the exits, the momentary cognitive distraction resulted in him finally tripping, no clue of where he would land. As he braced himself for impact a strong arm wrapped around his torso, pulling him into a warm embrace. The scent of fresh cut grass and the sea filled his nose, along with an underlying scent that made him dizzy. “I got you. You okay? Sorry, I should have stopped my little prank sooner. You’re not hurt, are you.”  Dirk was left speechless, his arms trapped between his body and Jake’s, he could feel his cheek awkwardly resting against Jake’s neck, the contact doing something to him that he hadn’t really experienced before. He felt the heat rise to his skin, and a layer of enchantment rest along his body. “Dirk?” The deep oddly comforting sound next to his ear inciting more physiological activity, approaching irredeemable levels.

“I’m fine.”

“Here, let me help you.” Dirk was carefully maneuvered to the couch, hands giving his shoulders a friendly rub. “You sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. You got me good bro.”

Jake chuckled. “Yes, well, you didn’t know what you were getting into. I had a sister that loved to play pranks, you learn quite a few ways to enact revenge. Perhaps I went too far with this though.”

“No, I deserved it. Equal levels, man. It was funny.”

“Yes, well, it wouldn’t be right to leave things like this. I’ll move the furniture back right away. I should help you out of the room first. Don’t want you to be disoriented further with all the movement.”

Dirk realized at that moment his sight stick had dropped somewhere, “Uh…where’s my stick?”

“Oh, it’s…. ah! Right here!” Jake took Dirk’s hand in his, placing the stick into his charge’s palm, lingering just a little, before he let go. Dirk noted the warmth of his hands and the smoothness of his skin. “Would you rather go into the dining room, or into the hall?”

“Hallway, please.” His voice more distant than he’d like. Jake’s confounding sunshine on his skin making him infuriatingly docile. His mind quieting to the point of idiocy and his interiority quietly building into an embarrassment hurricane that threatened to completely overcome him. Jake left him in the hallway, chipper and focused on his new task. Dirk stumbled in a way that had nothing to do with sight or lack of it, towards his room, closing and locking the door behind him.

He laid out on his bed, thinking and replaying the event in his head. Looking at how Jake acted and if it meant anything. His body reacting on its own as he felt no need to stifle the longing that grew in him anymore. He didn’t indulge himself though, it just didn’t feel right, even though he wanted it to, very badly.

Once he was sure any outer reflections of his feelings were under control he made his way to the living room once more. Jake had already put the furniture back and the smell of bacon filled the air. Sizzling could be heard a few rooms away. Dirk sat in the dining room, listening to the faint sounds of Jake singing to his favorite song, one that he thought Dirk didn’t know about. It’s out Jake, Dirk smiled to himself, the truth about the brunette and his N’SYNC guilty pleasure.

“It ain't no lie. I want to see you out that door. Baby bye bye bye” Slightly off key, but endearing nonetheless.

Dinner went by as usual. Jake made no indication of any knowledge of Dirk’s feelings from earlier. It must not have been noticeable. The years of stoicism worth a billion dollars for the singular fact that Jake remained oblivious.

“I have something special tonight!” Dirk listened as Jake shuffled back into the kitchen before setting a plate in front of Dirk. “I bought it yesterday.” Gently placing a fork in Dirk’s hand. The fire of body heat mildly distracting for the blind boy.

Dirk was very happy to find chocolate cake on the plate, eating it with enthusiasm. He reached for his napkin, sure there was chocolate somewhere on his face. He wiped he face, doing his best to ensure he removed any remnants of food.

Jake watched, amusement playing on his countenance. “You missed a spot old sport.”

“I did?”

“Yep, upper lip. No, over, other way. Here.” Jake reached across the table, grabbing Dirk’s chin and wiping away the offending stain, his impossibly hot fingers burning the blonde’s flesh.

 Heat spreading down his jaw and along his throat, settling in his gut as there was some discomfort in his pants. “Thanks.”

“Your welcome chum!” Mercifully, Jake was back in his own seat, in seconds.

Dirk was forced to sit there for a good twenty minutes, chatting with Jake, waiting for his boner to disappear. Ever unobservant, the jungle eyed boy made animated conversation with his admirer, babbling on about his favorite, if awful, movies.

The outward signs left him for a while, but the heat remained under his skin. Dirk had no choice, but to give into his base desire in the shower that night, thankful for the small benefit of no longer having someone in the bathroom with him while he bathed and his fist and the sound of the water to muffle his sounds.


	5. Awkwardly Intimate Moments and Family Drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …..hhhhhh It’s finished, but I agonized over the conflict with Roxy that I hinted to in the teaser. I didn’t want her too out of character, but she is meant to be a bit overbearing in this story. She kind of has her own stuff to learn, they all do, so please just go with it. …There are so many things I fought myself with on this chapter, I can’t even tell you guys.

The two were sitting on the couch as _The Santa Clause_ played, it wasn’t even December yet and ABC was playing Christmas movie marathons every night. When asked why they were watching the film so early in the year, Dirk was surprisingly straightforward. “So many holidays are about what you can see. Halloween is about spooky images, I mean sure there’s jump scares, but it’s mostly about costumes and visuals. Independence Day mostly has to do with fireworks, I guess it sounds cool, but I never feel like I get the full experience. Valentine’s Day isn’t ever something I’ve celebrated, not that I feel particularly inclined to, it’s stupid. Easter isn’t something I celebrate at all now, but as a kid it was all about decorating eggs and egg hunts, Roxy always had to help me, kids would always take them from my basket. And the decorating aspect wasn’t something I could really participate in. Christmas is the only holiday that encompasses all of the senses. You don’t just see Christmas. You smell the candy canes and apple spice and cookies. You feel the fabric of the tree skirt and the texture of the ornaments. You taste the eggnog and hear the carols. It’s something I can experience my own way and not really miss anything.” This was all said in a matter of fact tone, like a script he’s memorized from previous explanations.

“I had no idea.” The sound or watery sentimentalism fully apparent in the brunette’s voice.

“You’re not going to cry English, are you?”

“I’m not crying.” Said Jake as he wiped a tears from his eyes. “That was just beautiful.” He felt a hand cup his face, and the blonde leaning in closer, a thumb brushed against his cheek and he could feel himself lean in.

“Oh my god, you are crying.” The words brought him back to reality and his face heated up, “And you’re blushing now too. How cute. I didn’t know you were such a sensitive guy.” Dirk was teasing, of course he was, but “cute” was still ringing in Jake’s head, only making him more flustered.

“S-shut up. You’re the one spouting personal feelings jackass. Forgive me for being moved.” Jake was violently wiped his face as, Dirk remained turned towards the TV. He couldn’t tell if the blonde was giving him some form of privacy to pull himself together, or ignoring him. It wasn’t until a few minutes later, as the caretaker’s hand rest between, them that he felt the blonde reach and prod until their hands were firmly clasp together.

“…Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being moved, for caring.”

Jake let out a small laugh before bringing Dirk into a crushing hug. “You act cool, but you’re a giant dork like me, aren’t you?”

“No one could be a dork like you English.”

“Don’t deny it Dirk, you’re as sentimental as I am.”

“Oh hell no, you are not saying we’re equal when you watched the fucking Notebook. You are the dork in this rel-friendship, Jake.”

“I WAS FLIPPING THROUGH CHANNELS! It had just come off a commercial, I didn’t know what I was watching.”

“Wow, you are such a liar. I know that there are menus that tell you what’s on the channel you’re watching Jake. Way to try and pull a fast on one the blind guy.”

“…. Just watch the damn movie.”

“Let me rest my head on your lap.”

“What?”

“I’m tired, but I want to listen to when their going over the contract. Be my pillow.”

Jake rolled his eyes and it was evident in his voice, “Fine.” He guided Dirk to his lap, insisting that the point shades move to the table.

Jake woke bleary eyed the next morning, a crick in his neck and his head leaning uncomfortably to one side all night. Dirk was still resting, curled on his side, head on Jake’s legs. The brunette brushed some hair out of the way and enjoyed the sight of his resting charge, peaceful and pretty. He glanced at his watch, jumping in his seat, 11:30, they were supposed to meet Roxy at noon and to was a twenty-minute drive. He shook Dirk’s shoulder, “Chap, we have to go. I cannot be late for the meeting with your sister, c’mon.” Dirk batted his hand away, irritable, he was having a good dream, a REALLY good dream. “C’mon, c’mon. You’ll get coffee when we get there. We’ve only got ten-minutes.”

“Fine, whatever.” Dirk half stumbled, half stomped down the hall, following an automatic route, and turning into his room and closing the door. He felt the clothes on the floor, he should really clean up at some point, but time was of the essence. He groped around, searching for his shirt. “Where are you-fucken-gotcha, elusive bastard.” He stripped his pajamas and hastily threw on his shirt, only to feel the tag against his throat, he had put it on backwards. “Fuck.”

With the shirt on right, he quickly found his pants, pulling them up, he could hear Jake calling him, the sound of frantic footsteps outside the door, before the soft creak of the hinges. “Dirk, hurry up, we don’t want to be late to our meeting with Rox- ….What are you…wearing?”

“I know! You could fucking knock.” A waft of leaves and salt grazed his nose. “Uh?” He grabbed the shirt, taking a big sniff, and his olfactory senses were attacked with the scent of the outdoors and a hint of Jake’s sweat. “These are your clothes.” The words uttered more from an intoxicating realization, than from an admittance of a mistake.  He swallowed, regaining his mind. “You’ll have to help me change.”

“WHAT?”

“It will go quicker, and why are your clothes in here.”

“This is my room!”

“Oh..”

“For the love of…” Jake marched up and grabbed his hand, dragging him down the hall, ripping the clothes off him and replacing them with new ones. Small after sensations lingered on Dirk’s skin, where Jake’s finger tips grazed his sides. He tried his best not to dwell on it.

“There, all dressed.” Without thinking, Jake gave Dirk a peck on the forehead, making them both freeze and their faces become bright read. “I-I-I That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Dirk touched his forehead, the after feeling of Jake’s lips burning into his skin. “You kissed me.”

“I used to help my niece get dressed, and I would kiss her forehead, it was a reflex. I’m sorry.”

His niece, a reflex. Not an indication of his feelings. “It’s fine, we’re going to be late.”

“Oh, right!” Wrist in hand once more, Jake raced to the car, dragging Dirk behind him and grabbing the blonde’s sight stick along the way.

Once they arrived at the mall, Jake found a parking space as quickly as possible, it was busy place. Thankfully, there were some free handicap spaces at the opposite end of the mall. He helped a groggy Dirk out of the car, the blonde had fallen asleep again during the ride, and gave him his stick. A Starbucks was near the mall’s entrance and seemed to be experiencing a lull, so Jake popped in and grabbed coffee for them both. Dirk decided to sit on a bench in the main area

When Jake approached, Dirk was happily talking to a small child, handing them his sight stick for a moment as the child chattered.  “Here’s your coffee.”

“Thanks.”

“What’s it like to not see?” Interjected the child.

Dirk raised his hand to his chin, thinking, and taking a drink of his coffee. Jake decided to answer for him, “Close your eyes.” The young girl did as she was told. “What do you see?”

“Blackness.”

“Imagine that’s all you ever saw, even when you opened your eyes.”

“Is it scary?”

Dirk decided pipe up here. “No, not when it’s all you’ve ever known. You learn to understand the world through your other senses. I can smell and hear and touch, so my experience isn’t that different.”

Jake was beginning to wonder where the child’s parent was when a woman came running up, a man standing not far from her with three other children that closely resembled the little girl. “Samantha, what did I tell you about wandering off?!” Her gaze shifted to the two males. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Dirk said, a soft smile on his face.

“Mommy, this guy can’t see!”

“Samantha!”

“He can hear and smell though, so it’s not different.”

“Sweetheart, give him his stick back, he needs it.”

“Here you go.”

A little bit of awkward groping, the girl still didn’t seem to completely understand what blindness truly meant. “Thank you, Samantha.” Dirk smiled and though he couldn’t see it, he was sure the child smiled back.

The two made their way to the food court, to find Roxy.

“I didn’t know you liked kids.”

“I don’t, actually.”

“You seemed to get along with that little girl.”

“She hadn’t experience someone like me. Kids hold on to their first impressions, something that they fear when they are young can easily turn to hatred as they get older. I wanted to give her a positive impression, I only hope her mother doesn’t quash that curiosity.”

“What do you mean?”

“Curiosity is how we grow, we ask questions so we can understand. With understanding comes acceptance and sometimes love. With acceptance comes humanization, and compassion, but when that curiosity is quashed, assumptions are made and everything goes to shit. People deter children from asking questions for the sake of manners, what they should do is teach their children to ask questions in polite ways. Rather than saying ‘Don’t approach, it’s rude’ they should teach them, ‘Ask if you can ask them questions about their condition.’ Teach them to treat people as people, not their disability. There are blind people that want kids, want the white picket fence and when all they hear is fear, hatred, or misinformation, it’s incredibly discouraging. In a way, if I don’t put on my teaching cap, I only perpetuate the issue.”

“You’ve thought about that a lot haven’t you.”

“When I was a teen, yeah. It actually came about with some conversations with Karkat.”

“It must be hard.”

“What?”

“Having to perform whenever you meet children.”

“And some adults.”

“…I see Roxy.” Jake spotted the blonde woman waving her arms, looks like she’s shouting too, the roar of bustling shoppers drowning her out.

Jake narrated their path, allowing Dirk to make his way over, rather than guiding him. Dirk maneuvered himself masterfully, and a small air of satisfaction surrounded him when he was seated.

Roxy was all smiles. “You guys are late.” A matter-of-fact tone with an underlying edge.

“Traffic, sorry about that.”

“No, no, don’t worry about it.” Her over exaggeration of length in each word giving a distinct feeling of unease.

“Really, Rox, traffic was bad.”

She settled into her seat and gave a reluctant sound of assent to his words. “So, how’s the first month been?” Her gazet never leaving Jake.

“Great, Dirk’s pretty quiet, all I have to do is cook, clean, and keep his affairs in order.”

“My affairs? What am I, a mob boss?”

“Not like that, you know what I mean.”

Roxy chuckled, “Well, he’s put on a little weight since I last saw him, you must be working wonders getting him to eat that vegan food. I never had any luck.”

“Ah, well, you see….”

“Hmm?”

“The vegan thing did really work out. I’ve been making some other food, all very healthy! Lots of vegetables!”

Roxy’s grin took on a sinister tint. “Jake, why don’t you get a soy burger for Dirk and I from No Kill Andy’s.”

“Nah, I want Panda Express. Half and half with a double serving of orange chicken.”

“Okay, Soy burger and Chinese, anything else?”

“Just water.” Roxy’s voice was one of shock and a hint of anger and outrage.

“Diet Coke for me.”

“Got it.” Jake nodded and made his way to place the orders.

Roxy sputtered. “CHINESE FOOD!?!? That shit has MSG in it! It’s not good for you, really now Dirk, be reasonable. “

“Roxy, it IS reasonable. This will actually be my first time having it since we were kids. Jake really does cook healthy food. Maybe not _your_ idea of healthy, but by normal standards it’s pretty healthy.”

“He didn’t help you over to the table either.”

“He gave me directions, I didn’t want more than that. He knows that.”

“What else has he changed?”

“A lot, but nothing that I didn’t want or agree to.”

“I’m not sure he should be your caretaker anymore.”

“Roxy, that isn’t your choice.”

“Yes it is. Dave is the one with the money and he’s given me full authority for your safety.”

“I AM SAFE! God, just because it isn’t done _your_ way doesn’t mean it’s wrong, Roxy. I’ve had a lot of fun with Jake. He gets me, he understands his duties without becoming overbearing. It’s MY choice. I’m an adult, not a kid, not YOUR kid. I can make my own decisions.”

“You have a crush on him, your view of things is skewed!” Her voice beginning to squeak with the swell of emotion building inside her.

Dirk froze for a moment, nails digging into the palm of his hand. “My feelings don’t matter in this Roxy, nothing is ever going to come of it. Jake isn’t the type of guy to mix business with pleasure and I’m not about to put him in that position. I don’t even know if he swings that way. He’s a good guy who listens to me, cares about what I want for my life and works with me on creating the kind of life I want.”

“…Nothing has happened between you two?”

“Nope.”

“He hasn’t taken advantage of you?”

“Roxy-“

“I’m serious, he’s in a position of power, he doesn’t need to physically attack you for it to be coercive.”

“Roxy, I can kick his ass. I did during the interview.”

“Wha-“

“I’m not as weak as you seem to think. I can take care of myself, Jake just makes things easier.”

Dirk couldn’t see the thin line Roxy had pressed her lips into, or the look of conflict in her eyes, but the all-consuming silence was enough to signal her mood.

Jake approached them with food in hand. “Here you go.”

Roxy stood up silently, taking the bag from his hand and producing a paper slip, her voice small and distant. “He has a doctor’s appointment on the 15th, here are the directions. “ She turned to face her brother, “Dirk, I love you and only want what’s best.” She hugged him, slipping something into his pocket before leaving.

Jake placed food in front of Dirk, placing the fork in his hand before asking, “So, I picked up on some of that, she isn’t happy with me is she?”

“No, but it’s not for her to decide. You haven’t been rude or abusive, therefore she has no say.”

“She could fire me.”

“She doesn’t have that power.”

“But-“

“Jake, I’m going to need you to trust me on this. Your job is not in jeopardy.”

“…Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, it will still be a long time before we see their relationship come to fruition.


	6. Frustration All Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this and the next two chapter were originally going to be all one chapter, but that would be too long for me. So, while writing this chapter, I decided to break them into three. It'll be slower and with less development, but some fun stuff.

Panting breath was in his ear as he felt hands wander from his chest to his belt line, dipping into his boxers. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” Kisses on his neck, his own breath becoming short. “Would you like my mouth on you, maybe suck you off.”

“Ah.”

“You like this don’t you? You want me don’t you?” A hardness was pressed into his ass, making his dick twitch in Jake’s hand as the brunette started pumping him. “You have to tell me Dirk, what do you want?”

“Ah, I-I …fuck.”

“You’re going to have to be clearer.” Jake was rocking his hips now, the gentle grip becoming firmer on Dirk’s cock.

“Nngh.”

“Tell me Dirk, tell me what you want.” Rough gyrations making Dirk moan. “I bet you would feel nice. All hot and tight, or maybe you want to be in me, feel me clench around you and moan your name as I ride you. Either way, I’m sure you’d love the sound of our hips smacking together.”

“…Jake.” The moan escaped him and he didn’t even care.

“Tell me Dirk.” Jake’s hands were moving in slow, rhythmic motions, making the blonde’s body alight with pleasure.

“Oh god.”

“Give in Dirk, tell me. Tell me and it will all feel so much better. Tell me and you will feel so good.”

“I…”

“Yes, come on Dirk, you can do it.”

“I want….”

“Your cock is so hard, come on, you know you want it, now say it.”

“I want you….”

“You want me to do what? Come along Dirk, I can fuck you nicely or pound you into the mattress, make you writhe and plead, beg me to let you come, or a half dozen orgasms. Just tell me.”

“I want you inside me.”

“Good boy,” Suddenly, their pants were gone and Jake was in him, steady with just a little roughness, sucking on his neck with the occasional nip. “Fuck, you’re tight.”

“Jake….oh, Jake.”

“Mmmm, yeah, I’ve got you. Tell me how it feels.”

“So good. SO go-“

Dirk awoke aroused and on the brink of orgasm, the feeling of his cotton pants _just_ rubbing him was all it took for him to cum harshly, barely stifling his moan.

As he came down from his high, he wondered briefly what time it was, his alarm went off to remind him, 10 AM, his pants felt gross, he couldn’t go out in them. Shit, Jake did his laundry, it’s not that big of a deal. Surely it was bound to happen, but Jake seeing his mess, even if he didn’t know it was from a dream about him…it’s just too much.

Dirk got up, gathering his clothes and picking up his hamper, burying the offending garment deep within the other clothes. Maybe he could just ask Jake to show him how to do laundry. It’s not an unreasonable request, he’d probably appreciate Dirk taking on more responsibility anyway. Besides, the blind boy would prefer the additional privacy it gave him.

 

Breakfast was delectable as always, French toast with eggs and bacon, the savory mixing with the sweet in his mouth. Jake chattering on, like music.

“So, we’ve gotten presents for Jane, Roxy, Dave, John, and John’s father, am I forgetting anyone?”

 _You, you goofy oblivious perfect person. You forgot about you._ Dirk wanted to voice his desire to get Jake a gift, but couldn’t manage, technically, their relationship was still one of business. Dirk could barely manage the small talk without fleeting ponderings of what Jake looks for in a partner. He still didn’t know Jake’s orientation, as his employer it wasn’t exactly something he could bring up. Part of him didn’t even want to know, he didn’t want the beautiful dream, that eventually they would fall in love and live a fulfilling life together, to be a complete delusion. He didn’t want the nights, as he lay down, thinking about what life with Jake would be like. The tiny kisses as they awoke, Dirk lacing his arms around Jake’s waist as he cooked, feeling the muscles contract and relax as the blonde kissed all over the scintillating voice’s form. Or sitting in the park as Jake described the scene around them. He would be introduced to Jake’s family, and they may be shy at first, but if they’re anything like Jake they would welcome him all the same. And this time of the year, how he craved to snuggle up to Jake, really just cling to him under a blanket as a Christmas movie played. Maybe he would climb into the brunette’s lap, teasing him and then denying it, or perhaps they would just fall asleep. If it was the latter, maybe Jake could sit on his lap, and let Dirk hold him close. He wasn’t ready for these fantasies to be restricted to their realm of unreality. Not yet.

“… your hamper ready?”

“What?”

“Your laundry, I’d like to get it done, could you bring it out?” Another glorious thing about Jake being his caretaker. The guy respected boundaries. After the first few weeks he always made a point to knock before he entered Dirk’s room, and even then only if he really needed something. Dirk was allowed to keep things as he liked and had a space completely under his control. It was nice.

“Actually, I was thinking I would do my own laundry.”

“That sounds great.” Jake always had a habit of sounding like a life coach whenever Dirk took on more of his own care. He denied the fizzing bubbles in his stomach and the swell of warmth in his chest at Jake’s tone, using his hand to covertly hide the smile that threatened to break free. “Really Dirk, absolutely smashing, but, do you know how to work the machine?”

“No, I was wondering if you could show me?”

“Of course! Grab you stuff.”

Dirk made his way to his room, taking an extra effort make sure his pajama bottoms were shoved to the very bottom. Best if they were in the second load. He hauled the hamper out into the hall, hearing Jake’s voice at the end of it. “Come to the end of the hall and then turn right, I’ll be right in.”

 

As Dirk waited he thought of his little secret in the bottom of his hamper, trying to reassure himself that it really isn’t that big of a deal, and Jake would never see it anyway.

“Alright, Strider, let’s wash those clothes.” A strong hand was on his waist, guiding him to one of the two metal machines. “The washer is always closest to the wall, you lift the top, and throw some clothes in.” Dirk began taking handfuls of his clothing, tossing them in haphazardly. “Woah, wait, okay. My bad, I should explain.” He took hold of Dirk’s wrist, guiding around the opening of the washer. “You feel how it goes in a big circle?”

“Yeah.”

“Try to drop your clothes around in a circular pattern so they are distributed evenly.” Dirk tried once again. “That’s it, good job. ….Okay, now stop.” Jake moved closer to him, taking his wrist in hand once more, and his shoulder in the other, making him reach down. “You feel roughly where the top of your clothes are in relation to the opening?”

“Yeah.” Don’t think about how Jake is pressed into his side or that those commanding hands are on him.

“That’s roughly where you want it to be before you start washing, okay.”

“Got it.”

“Now take this box, feel the gel packs?”

“Yeah.”

“Put on in the opening of the washer and close the lid.” Dirk, once again, did as he was told and when he finished he could sense Jake standing behind him, wrapping hot skin around the blonde’s form, “Now, I’m just going to take your hands for a moment, okay?” A gentle grip on Dirk’s hands and a warm face next to his compounded with the sheer pressure of having another body against him. He can’t get a boner now, he just fucking can’t. “Feel the control panel?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay this button…” Dirk does his best to pay attention, but Jake’s deep, soothing, and calm voice is horribly distracting. It’s a sound Dirk could get lost in. The gentle tones that call him into a trance-like state, Jake could ask anything of him and Dirk would be too willing to comply. His mind traced one of his ever more erotic fantasies of himself and Jake. How would the silken siren’s song sound when laced with lust? How would he sound while Dirk sucked him off, would his voice get deeper? Or maybe a bit gruff? Would he be a moaner or a screamer? How would Dirk’s name sound coming out of his mouth like that? NO, he needs to stop thinking such thoughts, addicting though it is.

“You get all that?”

“Yeah, I got it. “

“Good, when it’s finished I’ll show you how to work the dryer.”

 

Jake’s errands ran long enough to allow Dirk the opportunity to pile his clothes into the dryer (although, much to his dismay he could figure out how to turn it on) and get his second load, along with his semen coated pants, in the washer.  Jake showed him how to turn the dryer on after he arrived home.

 

“I got us a little pre-Christmas present while I was out.”

“What?”

“Feel it.”

Dirk reached out, grasping what felt like a fleece in his hands, that is, until he felt an odd portion of the blanket he wasn’t familiar with. “What are these?”

“Snuggies!”

“…You….bought snuggies?”

“Yes, I know you can’t really tell, but the one you’re holding is a daredevil themed one. I saw it and thought it was perfect for you.”

Dirk laughed, “You’re something else English.” Dirk tried to put it on, experiencing some difficulty (he put it on like a robe).

“Not like that. Here.” Jake pushed him towards the couch _, A Christmas Story_ playing in the background. Jake slid the snuggie off Dirk’s arms. “Now, stick your arms out in front of you.” Jake slid the garment on the right way, ending with a hug around Dirk, the blonde embraced Jake in return and the world stopped. “I never pegged you as a hugger, are you a cuddler too?”

“What?” Was this really happening? This was happening. Jake was into him wasn’t he.

“I’ve always been a cuddler, I cuddle everyone. I really like cuddling during movies and stuff.”

“You haven’t done that here.”

“Well, you learn that not everyone likes being touched or held, many view it as a sexy act or like it has to lead to sex. I just like cuddling, but I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable”

“Yeah, I like cuddling too.” An outright lie, Roxy was a cuddler. Always felt like he couldn’t fucking breath.

“Well, if that doesn’t polish my skull. Wait, I’ll get my snuggie too and we can cuddle, it’s Robin themed!”

Dirk took a deep breath. Would he be able to handle it? Was the snuggie thick enough to hide a boner if he got one?

Soon, the two were in the couch, covered in fleece. Jake had his arm around his charge, holding him close and breathing in a hypnotic, rhythmic fashion. A hand absentmindedly rubbing the blonde’s pale shoulder, and the scent of sage lingering.

“Do you have a new cologne?”

“Ah…yes! I thought it best to change up my manly scent with something a bit more dignified.”

“…It smells good.” The hand stopped on Dirk’s arm, giving him a light squeeze.

“Really?”

“Yeah, smells really good.” The rhythmic breathing stuttered slightly before settling into an uneven tempo, marked by a slightly louder heartbeat.

“Do you think it smells like someone adventurous?”

“Well, that depends, what kind of adventure?”

“What kind of adventure do I smell like?”

“Hmm…” Dirk took the opportunity to touch Jake’s shoulder and neck, before burying his face against Jake’s skin and inhaling deeply a few times. He smelled even better up close. The sudden urge to pet and caress down Jake’s form was overwhelming, thankfully Dirk had tremendous self-control, pulling back and speaking in a matter-of-fact tone, unaware of the deep crimson hue his caretaker had been enveloped by. “It smells like an adventure to ancient tombs, a dignified and highly intelligent male who isn’t afraid of danger.”

“Golly, that sound perfect for me.” Dirk smiled. “Maybe this will increase my chances getting a date, I’ve never had much luck with the ladies.”

And with those few words Dirk felt his heart sink, his stomach hollow and his eyes threatened to betray him. He swallowed and utter, “I wouldn’t know.”

“Ah! I almost forgot, you must try these candies I got. They’re called Mozart Kugels and they are amazing.”

“I’m good.”

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Dirk could smell the chocolate under his nose. “Just take a bite.” He felt the candy pressed to his mouth and reluctantly opened his mouth, his lips brushing Jake’s fingertips. He may not be Jake’s preference, but perhaps platonic intimacy was better than nothing.

Unbeknownst to Dirk, Jake was cursing a storm in his own mind. He fucked up, he fucked up. He was just trying to gauge Dirk’s interest with that comment.  And then save their moment when it was clear he messed up. Now he felt soft lips and traces of saliva on his fingertips and his dick is showing more interest than he’d like right now. He prayed Dirk didn’t ask to use him as a pillow again.


	7. Temperature and Biting Your Tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions! I'm so happy that so many people like this story!

The room smelled of antiseptic, Dirk could hear Jake drumming his hands on the countertop and rubbing his hands on his pants. “Don’t like doctors?”

“That obvious?”

“Kind of.”

“It’s not just doctors, any place of medicine really. My mind just goes to all the nasty diseases that one can catch in places like this.”

“I mean, it’s not exactly a hospital with a Zika patient. It’s just a regular old doctor’s office. This is just a check-up.”

“Right, right.”

He could hear Jake’s slow calculated breaths and wondered how long he would hold out. God must have a soft spot for his caretaker, moments later his doctor appeared in the room. They went through the obligatory banter and questions of where his helicopter sister was. “Alrighty, let’s get down to business. Dirk, I have a new medication for you to try for your non-24. It’s a little experimental, but it should help keep you on a dependable schedule.”

“No thanks Dr. Fenton, I think my current set-up is working fine.”

“I must really advise against that. Relying on sleep medication rather than a drug tailored to your condition will like lead to an exacerbated situation for you. Surely those medications leave you groggy?”

“No, actually I think they work fine.”

“Well, I won’t push it, but I’d like you to consider it. Your blood tests came back normal, no sign of diabetes or cancer.”

“Cancer?!” Jake’s yelped, his voice exceptionally high-pitched, he wasn’t doing well.

“Don’t worry about it Jake. It was just to check. Blood cancer runs in the family, a curse, really. Roxy makes me get tested every six months to a year.”

The doctor cut in, “Yes, everything checks out, was there anything in particular bugging you?”

“Yeah, on my back.” Dirk turned around, lifting up his shirt, revealing a mass of red, flakey skin, little veins of dried blood and cuts.

The doctor tutted, “Your eczema is acting up again.” He turned and looked directly at Jake, “You are his caretaker, yes?”

“Y-yes” Too high pitched, he coughed clearing his voice and settling himself. “Yes.”

“I’m going to prescribe an ointment; you’ll need to put a generous coat on his back twice a day.”

Jake nodded, a little wide-eyed and guilty.  It looked painful, he had no idea.

“And you,” The doctor said, batting away irksome nails. “No more scratching, you’re only making it worse.”

Dirk huffed, but did as he was told. He was allowed to put his shirt back on and the two were in the car, driving to the pharmacy.

Jake’s fingers batted the steering wheel, keeping some off rhythm tune. “…How long has your back been bugging you?”

“Couple weeks.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I knew this appointment was coming up, why complain? It’s not like we could do anything about it.”

“I could have at least bought something to help with itching, maybe something to at least bring down the irritation.”

“Meh, it’s all the same to me. It probably looks much worse that it feels.”

“Your showers must have been brutal.”

“…No, they were fine.” Dirk shifted a little in his seat, embarrassed.

That night the blonde indulged himself in that sweet ache of heat on sensitive flesh, “Last time,” he tells himself. The delicious sting hit him, bracing himself when it starts to edge over the cliff of tolerable intensity. He could feel the hairs on his arms and legs stand on end, and the muscles in his neck and up to his scalp flex into something that he can’t describe. He couldn’t even say it felt good, but it didn’t feel bad. The longer he stayed in place the more intense the not-good-not-bad sensation became until he could no longer handle it and he removed himself from the heat’s embrace. Shuddering, he should have jerked it, would have been a full body orgasm. Maybe once more tomorrow night, skin too delicate to try again.

When he was in his room, dried and changed, skin still exuding shower warmth, he heard a knock at his bedroom door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

“The instructions say it’s best to put this stuff on clean, dry skin.”

“Right.” Dirk took off his pajama t-shirt, and laid on his stomach on the bed. He felt tentative hands brush the delicate rivulets of raw skin, near blood, on his back before they snapped away.

“Your skin is scorching!” He wasn’t sure if Jake was impressed or horrified, frantic footsteps pattered down the hall, Dirk chose to stay where he was. The one thing he hated was starting to bubble again on his skin. The unending, insufferable itching. The itching even through pain, through tears it would still itch. He could white knuckle it all night and it would still itch.

The patters grew louder once more, the sound of something that wasn’t a bottle of ointment, clinking, was in Jake’s hand. Before Dirk could ask he felt a something cold on his back, killing the itch. Jake pressed the cold firmly to its new home and Dirk groaned, this was even better than the burn of hot water.

“The cold compress should help any itching until your skin is cool enough to put this blasted medicine on. Really, you shouldn’t take such hot showers. …Does it feel okay?”

“Feels fucking great.” Dirk tried not to moan and thanked heaven that he was face down right now.

He could practically smell Jake’s smile. “I’m glad.” A contented sigh, the sigh of someone who feels useful. The sigh of someone who feels they have done their job well. Dirk sighs too, his sigh is nothing like Jake’s sigh.

Jake massages the ointment into Dirk’s abused skin, while the blonde bites a hole through his lip. The process is both agonizingly long and cruelly short. “Okay, I think I’ve covered the area nicely. Do you feel like I’ve missed any spots?”

The temptation to lie is almost too great, “No, I think you got everywhere.” _Except the area in my pants._

“Righto, why don’t you stay like that for a little while and let that stuff dry”

“Alight.”

Jake disappeared, leaving Dirk with a situation he couldn’t yet attend to, and later, his favorite pajama pants in the hamper.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Jane, it’s Dirk, I was wondering if you could help me?”

“Sure Dirk, anything.”

“I want to get Jake a gift, but I have no idea what to get. Do you have any ideas?” This wasn’t completely true, he had plenty ideas for Jake, he just knew enough to know his ideas would be…. Inappropriate.

“Well, I don’t know Jake that well. What does he like?”

“He’s kind of a big dork, likes super hero stuff and Lifetime movies.”

“He likes Lifetime movies?”

“Well, he denies it, but kind of the way your teenage son would deny masturbating ten times a day. You know it happens, you can hear it, you just don’t mention.” Jane giggled at his comparison. “He also likes cooking, but it’s kind of hard to tell if it’s really a hobby or if he’s just having fun with his job.”

“No, I’ve had a few conversations with him.”

“You have?”

“Yeah, you know how Roxy stopped calling? Well, she asked me to call for her instead, just to check up. Anyway, he was telling me how he loves trying new recipes. Hmm….” A few minutes of contemplation. “Wait, I’ve got it.” Dirk could hear furious typing on the other end of the line. “Okay, I’ve got cookie cutters, cutting boards, cakelet pans, all in the form of either superhero heads, or their symbol- Oh hey a Captain America Teapot!”

“I don’t think Jake drinks tea.”

“Oh, I was actually thinking for me.”

“You like superheroes?”

“Yes, plus…Captain America is a fine piece of ass.” Dirk laughed. “Anyway, how much you looking to spend?”

“I was thinking $100, plus an impromptu bonus.”

“Oh, big spender. Alright, I’ll keep looking around, what’s his favorite comic?”

“I think it’s Batman.”

“Gotcha. And Dirk? I’m totally willing to do this, but I need you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“Make up with Roxy. She’s been looking sad lately. Call her.”

“…….Alright.”

After hanging up with Jane, Dirk called Roxy. “Hey, Rox? I thought we could talk about what happened a few weeks ago, at the mall.”

The phone call ended with Dirk emotionally exhausted and back on speaking terms with his sister. She’s agreed to allow Dirk to eat how he likes so long as he stays away from pot edibles (where she got the idea that he’s suddenly eating them he has no idea), not to get shit faced drunk, ever, and to only have red meat once a week. The second, while a little more in the realm of possibility, was plenty easy to abide by, it’s not like the blonde was a heavy drinker and it usually messed with his sleep schedule anyway. And the third condition, while more difficult, was easy enough to notify Jake about. She’s still in charge of his doctor and dentist appointments and he has to report to her everything that goes on in them, but she mellowed quite a bit, even though it sounded like it killed her. Dirk suspected that John was standing near, coaching her through it.

Better tell Jake before the details fade from his memory. The hard wood floor beneath his feet was ice, the house was silent; Jake was probably in his room. Dirk always took an odd amount of pride in his ability to walk almost with almost complete silence. He noticed that people often stomp or simply let their feet slap against whatever surface they walk on. To him, walking had an art to it, the ability to walk with stealth and purpose, adding to or taking away from the noise pollution, the same way you would with your voice. It’s how he found out about Roxy’s plans for a caretaker and inserted himself into the process, it’s how he found out Dave kept tabs on him through his friends, and today, it’s how he was graced with the most erotic sound of his life. He heard a muffled groan come from Jake’s room, he waited outside the door, slightly ashamed of his enticement. He heard the squirt of a lotion bottle and the rhythmic squelch of fluid around what had to be Jake’s cock. He heard the increasingly labored breaths and groans; and the wonderful sounds that escaped him. “Ah! Yeah…….god……..D-nnnnnnnnn” With his ninja abilities Dirk sought refuge in his room, it was time for a shower. The burning on his skin and the audio in his brain made for a very satisfying session.

When he was done and in his pajamas once more (this time he didn’t even bother to put on a shirt), Jake was already in his room, ointment in hand. Dirk laid down and tried not to think anymore of the illicit sounds he heard an hour before, even as he felt a little of Jake’s weight press the compress into his flesh. The cold mixing with his fiery skin, making him shiver in a way that had nothing to do with temperature. He tried not to think about how the hands currently touching his back had grabbed hold of one of Jake’s most intimate places not long ago. He forced the fleeting question of how Jake’s penis would feel in his hand, out of his mind. Focusing only on the steady rubbing on his back, no matter what he did with his hands, Jake always kept a steady rhythm when he touched skin. Dirk cleared his throat, “So, I talked to Roxy earlier…..”


	8. Christmas Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Thank you for being patient! Enjoy the next chapter!

Dirk rested against the wall next to the front door, listening to Jake perform his mental checklist. “Gifts for grandma, Jade, uncle James, and Bec. Clothes, three emergency inhalers, grooming supplies, and three books.”

“You really need three books?”

“No internet at my grandmothers, and I have two very long flights, not to mention a night at a hotel before I can connect to my last plane. …Hmm, three actually might not be enough. I don’t have any more room though…. Oh well, it will have to do.” Jake turned to face Dirk, the blonde holding the car keys in his hand. “Thanks for holding on to those, chum.”

“Yeah, no problem.” An electric tremor coursed through them as their fingertips met. Rough caramel hands held onto pale ones for two beats longer than normal. Dirk could hear a change in Jake’s breathing, gasping when he felt a small puff of air near his lips. He leaned in, feeling a spark of excitement, waiting for Jake to kiss him. This was a thing, this was really going to be a thing. Only for Jake to press his cheek against the blind male’s, strong arms wrapping around his torso.

“I’m going to miss you, mate.”

Disappointed, Dirk allowed his arms to drape around Jake’s broad shoulders, he noted solid shape and flexing muscles. His mind wandered to what it might feel like to have that entire body tighten under him, or over him, or alongside him. He wasn’t really picky, so long as it was this body, this person. After several long moments, they finished their goodbyes; Jake hurriedly reminding Dirk where to find prepared food for the evening and the next morning, until his family arrived. The blonde reminded Jake to drive safe, and felt his heart drop a little as the door shut.

He was all on his own for the next eighteen hours. He should be thrilled, it’s something he’s always wanted. Now though, he just felt lonely. He puttered around, unable to focus on anything, the TV, music, his music, podcasts, nothing. Nothing could hold his interest. He thought of Jake and that moment they spent by the door and the realization of how private this time was hit him. He strode into the bathroom, cranking the hot water to max, unworried about taking it all. Tonight was his to indulge in something he’d never had before, complete and utter seclusion.

He stood under the scalding rain, playing a quickly burned CD he made last week, when he could hear Jake masturbating again. A one use thing, he couldn’t keep it around, but for tonight, he would pretend. As he stroked himself and listened to Jake muffled whimpers a mostly inaudible cries, he thought of Jake bent over the bed, feeling those toned back muscles as Dirk pounded into him. And then Dirk imagined riding him, and then getting fucked by him. By the time the blonde was fully satiated the water had run cold and the cd had played at least ten times. He finished up, breaking the cd on his way out, and collapsed onto his bed.

Jake spent a similar night in the hotel, indulging in fantasies he rarely allowed himself. Flipping through his internal photo album of Dirk’s naked body. He imagined many of the same things Dirk did and had the luxury of a vibrator packed in his bag; calling Dirk’s name as he came. Unlike the blonde, Jake fell into a pit of self-loathing and disgust after his session. He was a fucking caretaker, he had no right to think of his charge in this way. His heart ached at what he knew could never be; it wasn’t right and he was a creepy bastard for even doing what he had done. Was the gift he had for his employer in his bag really a kind gesture? Or did he just want to win favor? God he’s an ass.

Dirk awoke the next morning, looking forward to breakfast with his caretaker, only to remember he was alone. Jake left him a muffin for the morning, a piece of braille paper he made himself, begging Dirk not to tell Roxy about the breakfast. The blonde smiled to himself, slipping the paper into his pocket, and taking a bite of his morning meal. Blueberry with an orange glaze, Dirk’s favorite. He relished the taste imagining Jake next to him, rambling the way he does in the morning, usually about their plans for the day or the occasional weird dream. Now that Dirk thought about it, Jake hadn’t brought up his dreams lately. Not after that one about him and a faceless figure being forced to stay apart; and how upset he was by that.

Finishing his muffin, the blind male carefully placed the wrapper in the trash, half wedging it to the side. He washed his hands and wandered into Jake’s room, laying on his bed, the smell of the brunette interwoven with the thread of the sheets. It wasn’t the smell of his cologne, only Jake, that wild scent of Jake’s that normally threatened to drive the blonde out of his mind, was a deep source of comfort. And the lonely mind wandered again, what if Jake was in this bed with him? Petting his hair, whispering sweet nothings to him? How would he react if Dirk cradled his hand like it was the most precious thing in the world? How would he feel if Dirk told him that he loved him? Would he be upset? Flustered? Probably flustered, at least for a moment (a smile escaped his lips). Would it make everything awkward? …Would Jake quit on the spot?

The fam was due soon, best not get caught in his caretaker’s bedroom sniffing the sheets. Closing the door behind him, Dirk took a deep breath before moving into the living room, patiently waiting for his family’s arrival.

Roxy was the first, big surprise, along with Jane, John, and John’s Dad, whom insists on being called “Dad” by everyone. “Dad,” was an enthusiastic hand shaker and apparently, a hugger. Dirk was nearly crushed by the outpour of fatherly affection for a young adult that was not his blood. John, all the while, pleading desperately to “Please respect his personal space.” The man seemed to understand this, apologizing before ruffling Dirk’s perfect hair. Normally, this would be a far greater offense than a hug assault by what is basically a stranger; but something about the man’s nature set Dirk at ease, and he couldn’t bring himself to hold a grudge. The man also shoved cookies into Dirk’s hands, chocolate M&M, this was a good guy. Rose was the next to arrive, with about eight dozen gifts for the family, she was the biggest Christmas enthusiast in the family; which was odd given her general pessimistic demeanor and affinity for the darker side of human nature. Her girlfriend Kanaya, promptly introduced herself. Her diction suggested a librarian sort, perfect pronunciation, absolutely refused to use contractions. Turns out she’s a personal stylist, and after a polite request, she fixed Dirk’s hair. She was alright.

Dave would still be a while, his flight delayed. Rose took Dirk’s hand, “which room is yours?” He led her to his room, fishing her special gift out from under his bed. A tradition, just between the two of them. Once, all the siblings exchanged gag gifts; Roxy and Dave had a different idea of “gag”, like fake vomit and snakes in a can … and soup. He unwrapped his gift, feeling a long cylindrical object that tapered at the top. A button on the bottom, as he pressed it the length of the object moved and vibrate in his grasp. Smiling to himself, “I can always count on you for the kinky ass vibrators.”

“And you always have exceptional taste in specialty lubes and…what’s this?” The sound of enthusiastic ripping and a slightly embarrassed sounding laugh. “A selection of hentai?”

“New stuff, guarantee you haven’t seen it yet. I know a guy.” He could hear her laugh and couldn’t help but grin.

“Thank you. Now, tell me about how you’ve been since I last saw you. How’s the caretaker working out?”

Dirk recounted everything that had happened to him in the past nine months, not only his issues with Roxy and Dave, but his caretaker and his feelings. He told her of his romantic desires and uncertainties, and his longing to just be a part of Jake English’s life. She listened attentively, never once interrupting him, merely letting his speak; even when he became emphatic over his fight with Roxy. When he was finished, rather than giving him advice, or scolding him, she merely asked “How much do you remember of mom and dad?”

Taken aback, he answered, “Nothing much; I remember mom smelling like stale coffee….I remember being scared of dad and glass for some reason.” He felt a thin dainty hand on the back of his neck as she brought him in for a hug. She wasn’t the touchy feely sort, but her embrace was warm, soft, and smelled of lavender.

After she released him, she spoke. “Mom died when you were about three, car accident. She was the one who worked, the one who paid the bills, the one who took care of us. Dad was a drunk, and he never stopped being a drunk. Dave was sixteen at the time, he got a job, dropped out of school. He worked so hard.” Her voice wistful and a touch sad, after a brief pause, she continued. “When I was fifteen, you were about six, Roxy was maybe nine, I worked at a strip club so Dave could go to school. Lied about my age of course, got into the booze like dad. Dave was only in school for about a year, it was all we could afford, even with financial aid.”

“….I don’t remember any of this really.”

“I didn’t think you would. Dave certainly doesn’t want to talk about it; it wasn’t my proudest moment in life either. Remember when you were nine and I ‘went abroad’ for a year? That was really rehab. Anyway, dad died, that’s when family was finally forced to intervene. Dave busted his ass while I sank into further into addiction. Roxy compensated by taking care of you, I think she has a hard time letting go of that, Dirk. She shielded you so much when you were younger, before you had the benefit of all this. You were only eight when Dave landed his big break and we could finally afford stuff. Do you know why we don’t stay connected to our extended family? Good for nothing bitches _sued_ him when his movie won an Oscar. ‘Back rent and lost wages’ they said.”

“Why didn’t I know about any of this?”

“Baby-of-the-family syndrome. Everyone wanted to protect you, after hearing what’s been going on with you and Roxy though, and no doubt what you’re thinking about saying to Dave; I know what goes on in that dumb little head of yours, I thought you should have all of the information. Roxy’s still coping, her coping mechanism was taking care of you, the idea of letting go probably sends her into a feeling of chaos. She’s likely afraid that changing anything is going to result in going back to that point in her life….now that I think about it….Dave and I should push her towards therapy. At least a few counseling sessions to help her through this.”

The wave of information was overwhelming, now he felt kind of bad, saying the things he did. He held the edge of his t-shirt between his fingers, softly rolling the fabric with his thumb and middle finger, brushing the edge with his index finger. He felt her hand cover his. “You haven’t changed much in your coping mechanisms either. Done that since you were tiny. Information overload?”

“..Yeah…a little. “

“Want some time alone?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t be, Dirky.” He felt a kiss on his forehead, and heard her light footsteps leave the room with a soft creak of the door closing shut. He laid back, letting the wave of everything he had just heard flood him in a tidal wave and recede to the edges of his nerves.

After roughly an hour, Dirk reappeared. More cookies were forced into his hands, John and his father coaxed him into singing Christmas Carols, and when Dave arrived, Dirk decided the man deserved some thanks. As everyone sat in a circle, passing out gifts, per Christmas Eve tradition, he turned to Dave, whom sat next to him. “Bro, I know I don’t say this much, but thanks for letting me live here. Thanks for taking care of me.”

His gratitude was accepted with an awkward shoulder shove, and a tired, “Anytime little man, any time.”

The rest of the night was filled with drinking, except for Rose who chose to abstain, and Dirk who didn’t want it to mess with his medication.  The two sober siblings sat back, listening to the massacred versions of Jingle Bells and Silent Night, smiling.

The next morning, the two who could not drink the night before, indulged in their favorite Christmas tradition. They marched through the house, clanging pots and pans, yelling at the top of their lungs for everyone to “GET THE FUCK UP! CINNIMON ROLLS ARE GETTING COLD!” A lone few could be heard puking their guts out, while others groaned and trudged into the kitchen for food and the industrial-sized bottle of Ibuprofen. The rest of the day was filled with a Christmas movie marathon and more food than they could possibly eat (courtesy of Rose thinking ahead and ordering a catered meal.) As night settled in, everyone rested in varying stages of consciousness on the living room furniture, and in Roxy’s case, the floor.

Dave sat next to him, his tone suggested he was more relaxed than he had been in a long while. The general gravelly tone of an overworked man was a perpetual undertone in his voice. He sounded drowsy, and out of it. “You okay?” Dirk asked.

“M’fine.” Maybe he got into the liquor again. “I want to talk about you. How’s that caretaker working out? Treating you well?”

“Yeah, Dave. I’m really happy.”

A tired grin filled the older male’s face. “Good.” Dirk felt a pat on his knee. “You deserve someone that makes you happy. When’s the wedding?”

He definitely got into the liquor again. “Dave, we were talking about my caretaker, not my boyfriend.” This is why you don’t tell Dave things, he’s sure to spout off when drunk. “Were we?” A soft sound of clinking glass. “Apparently, I’ve had too much eggnog.”

“I guessed that.”

“Smart ass.”

 

The next morning Dave, Rose, Kanaya, John’s Dad, and Jane said their goodbyes. Dave merely said “Be good.” Jane informed Dirk that his gift to Jake was under the tree. And Rose said, “Tentacles up asses.”

“Tentacles up asses.” Dirk replied. He noted a few sounds of scandalized voices and the well known exasperated sighs of his other siblings.

“What does that mean?” Rose had not informed Kanaya of the inside joke.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” He could hear the smile in her voice.  Dad merely shoved something into Dirk’s hands, more cookies.

Roxy and John stayed an extra day, mostly uneventful and pleasant; barring the vegan food and the twenty minutes of banging Dirk could hear through his wall. The next morning, they left, a tofu burger set out for him as lunch until Jake got back. He made sure to hug Roxy, and tell her he loved her. After what Rose had told him, and their negotiations, it seemed cruel to remind her not to harass. John apologized for his father, which Dirk felt was unnecessary, but wasn’t about to admit the fondness he felt for silly older male.

Dirk didn’t have long to wait after lunch (yes, he ate the burger), before Jake returned. He was greeted with a crushing hug and a sigh in his ear. “I’m so glad to be back.”

“Not so fun with the family?”

“Oh, I love my family, truly. I just…I’m not the same anymore. They haven’t really changed at all since I last saw them. They refused to even look at mine or Jade’s phones, called them useless. And all we did was hunt. They are kind people, good people. We’re just different now.” Dirk detected a tone of melancholy in Jake’s voice. He brought his hand up, brushing the hair at the nape of his neck.

He took a deep breath and a chance, kissing Jake’s cheek. “Sounds like it was hard on you, I’m sorry.”

“Thanks mate.”

They stayed like that for a few more moments before Jake heaved a breath and returned to his cheery demeanor. “Mostly, I’m happy to be away from the pollen. Used all three of my inhalers! It almost wasn’t enough.” An awkward moment hung in the air, “I-I got you something.”

Dirk felt a rectangle placed in his hands. “I got you something too, it’s under the tree.” Dirk sat down and unwrapped his gift carefully, like a holy treasure. Jake had thought of him, considered him. He could hear Jake ripping the paper on his gift, the blonde wondered briefly if he had found the envelope with his bonus.  Focusing back on his gift, he could tell it was a book. Flipping it in his hands he felt braille across the cover, _The Cuckoo’s Calling_. “How did you get this?!” Dirk had never been more shocked.

“Special order, picked it up while on my trip. I knew your favorite authors and saw it was missing from your coll- Oh my god, a Robin apron!” Dirk could hear him laughing as he continued, “A Batman cookie jar, and these cookie cutters. There’s a cookbook of Batman themed recipes?!” He sounded like he was having the time of his life.

“There should be envelope for you as well.” After a few seconds of silence, he heard a triumphant “Ah-ha!” And soon after “ ….Dirk, I can’t accept this.”

“The envelope is a bonus, it’s not from me. It’s perk of working for me.”

“Still this is too much.”

“No, take it. You deserve it, Jake. The other stuff is from me, as a …..”

“Friend?”

It’s a start, another gamble, maybe? “Better than that, bros.”

He heard a laugh. “Yeah, best bros.” He let out some tension he didn’t know he was holding and felt Jake hug him again. “Thanks, Dirk. Regardless of what you say, this is very generous.” They stayed in each other’s arms longer than even “bros” normally would, both ignoring it, but not taking it any farther. This was a nice closeness, as close as they could ever get without risking rejection.


	9. Awkward moments lead to something unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this picture:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/144766584199/my-friend-the-frog-no-sads-just-stupid-comic#notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is short for two reasons. 1. The picture I was working off of is kind of awkward with were the story it, but my brains insists on keeping it in the story because it was so cute. 2. I wanted it to end on a cliff hanger.
> 
> Unfortunately, because of those two reasons this wasn’t as well written as I would have liked it, but because of where I am with the story, there was no real way to include it in a sophisticated way at this point with changing something drastically. So please just go with it.
> 
> I wasn’t really expecting for this chapter to end the way it did, but it’s one of those things where the story doesn’t work any other way, and you’ll see what I mean over the next few chapters. I’m well aware of the pictures I haven’t covered yet, everything has a plan.

Dirk was laying on the couch, listening to Jake vacuum the floor. He noted the different sounds as the vacuum moved and came closer to him and away from him. He contemplated recording it, next time, and remixing the sounds into something completely obnoxious, sending it to Dave. In their family, April Fools ENDED on April 1st and began the day after Christmas (although there was a strict “No sending ridiculously big dildos with suggestive notes to the set” rule, which kind of took the fun out of it.) He had already been doused in silly string by Roxy while he slept, the odd thing was she always left an apology card. Rose had sent rough bondage porn to Dirk and stamped it “Important Open Immediately!!!” Jake panicked, not checking who it was from and told Dirk. Dirk allowed him to open it and almost fucking died when Jake finally sputtered out what it was. In retaliation, Dirk sent Kanaya a furry suit and told her it was something Rose secretly loved, and was too embarrassed to admit it.  He’ll know her reaction in a week, probably.

Jake had turned off the vacuum and was humming to himself again. Dirk listened to it, getting lost in his voice and the rhythmic rise and fall of the slightly off-key notes. As inconspicuously as he could, he drummed his fingers along to the non-existent beat, his foot swaying slightly. He heard Jake plop into the chair next to the couch and the sliding of paper, he was looking at the mail. The humming tapered off and Dirk was a little bored, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. They weren’t romantically involved, not in the slightest, but there was something intimate between them and he wanted to relish it as long as he could. He heard as Jake ripped open letters, incoherent whispers followed by either a sigh or a little noise of displeasure. It was cute and Dirk wanted desperately to hold Jake’s hand and ask him about the mail. He didn’t, he couldn’t, the intimacy, the friendship they have was so fragile and new in its closeness. Dirk couldn’t risk taking it too far, out of the question.

Jake sat there for a long time. Unwilling to move, Dirk found himself starting to doze, his body reacting the tranquility of his surroundings and a warmth taking him over. This was nice, Jake was using that cinnamon fragrance that made the room smell like cookies from an old cottage home, a kindly woman greeting you at the door. A place where you know, no matter how high you climb, it will be there, and if you fall it’s a pillow that will catch you and cradle you until you can get back up again. Home, Dirk couldn’t remember the last time a place felt this homey. Not that Roxy didn’t make a nice home when she was here, but it was tainted with Dirk’s rebellion and her control issues. The subtle animosity Dirk held, made tension…he regrets his attitude towards her. He had no clue what she went through. He still would have fought her either way, but he regrets being so harsh with her. He tried to apologize once already, she didn’t want to talk about it. Simply talked over him, told him she didn’t want to talk about it, and hugged him. He chose to respect her wishes.

Dirk heard Jake get up, and felt as a blanket was placed over him, it was a little cold. He heard Jake plop down again, reaching over and playing with Dirk’s hair…so this is why his bed head has felt so messy lately. He couldn’t exactly bring himself to complain. This was nice, this feeling.

He ended up dozing off for some time, not the best idea, he’s going to suffer tonight. He awoke to the smell of a different spice, something he couldn’t place, but it was familiar. He rose from his resting place and swayed towards the kitchen, the smell stronger, and Jake was humming again. “Hmm? Oh, hey Dirk, have a nice rest?”

Dirk yawned, “Yeah, thanks for the blanket.”

He could practically hear Jake’s blush, or maybe it was wishful thinking. All Dirk could think of was how nice it would be to feel that warm face against his own. Jake tripped over a “You’re welcome” and they stood there in silence.

Dirk thought of how Jake might feel under his fingertips, not as matter of skin, but one of connection. He wanted to connect with Jake, their intimacy flooded his skin and he’s addicted. He wants more, it doesn’t have to be sexual, he just wants Jake. Before he even realized what he was doing he found his hands on Jake’s waist.

“Wa ha haa! Dirk, what in great Caeser’s name are you doing!”

Fuck, he messed up, it’s not like they haven’t hugged or cuddled, but that was always consensual, sometimes Dirk would have to explicitly agree three times before Jake would put his arms around him. Random groping wasn’t really their thing. He couldn’t bring up the hair thing either without Jake knowing he was only pretending to be asleep. Shit, think. Think! “Jake we’ve been living together for four months, I deserve to know what your body looks like.” Looks, not feels, god he can’t say feels. Although he would like to know what Jake’s body feels like, against his own. Nope, not the time.

“That, that doesn’t make sense at all!”

“It’s perfectly reasonable.”

“S-sorry chap…I can’t let you do that…my body…I am….”

“You’re what, ticklish?” Dirk couldn’t help but smile, genuinely smile.

“What’s that smile for!!?” Dirk tickled Jake all over, soon bringing them both to the ground. “Ha ha ha Dirk! St-stop!”

The sound of his laugh is music Dirk’s ears, the feeling of Jake’s muscles contracting from the laughter under his fingertip is almost enough to make the blonde blush a deep red. “Sorry Jake, the plan is in motion. Next stop, my bed.”

“Wait -what?”

“Nothing,” Dirk retracted his hands, why the fuck did he say that. Shit. “What were you making?”

Jake, thankfully, was easily distracted. “Oh, something Roxy sent, she said it was your favorite.”

“It smells familiar.”

“Here,” Jake poured it into a mug, handing it to Dirk, the blonde took a big swig of the liquid, not even questioning it, stupid. “It’s turmeric milk.” Oh god. Oh god! Dirk quickly felt around for the nearby sink to spit out the foul concoction, he’s going to kill Roxy. “What’s wrong?!”

Dirk wiped his mouth. Waving his hand, “Nothing, another prank.” He could feel himself making a face, he wanted to lick his shirt, anything to get the taste out of his mouth.

Jake took the mug and handed him another glass, “Water” he said. Dirk gulped it down, some of the water spilling out of the cup and down his chin, he didn’t care, anything to get that god awful taste out of his mouth. He could hear Jake chuckling at him again. A hand cupped his face, dabbing the blind male’s face with a cloth. “You’re kind of cute like this, I’ve never seen you so animated.” Dirk froze the sudden electricity in the air making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. “Adorable, actually.” He could feel Jake’s breath one his lips, just like Christmas…only this time…their lips connected. A jolt was sent down Dirk’s spine and he leaned in, hoping that this wasn’t all a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I have some non-canonical smut for you guys set in MOD universe if you like: http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/151639982234/alright-i-couldnt-help-myself-heres-some


	10. Jake can't decide what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! 
> 
> Here is the next chapter of MOD, I hope you like it. I'm a little conflicted, so let me know what you think.
> 
> IMPORTANT NEWS:  
> I'll be taking the month of November off because I'm participating in Nanowrimo, hopefully starting a job, finally (I had an interview today!), and helping a family member recover from surgery. Plus Thanksgiving and Black Friday. It's a full month. If you are subscribed to me personally, you may see me migrate somethings over here from my blogs, but nothing new is actually being written. 
> 
> Have a great November everyone!

Dirk felt a warming glow under his skin and a need within him. A need to never let Jake go, a need to kiss him forever. Strong shoulders underneath his fingertips flexed as he felt arms pull him close, deepening the kiss. A thread pulled taught, a tidal wave threatening to drown him, an electric current coursing through him that Jake fed. The kiss was like warm sun rays on his skin after a cold winter; welcoming and soft. His lips only slightly chapped and tasting of oregano. He was still, yet couldn’t catch his breath, he couldn’t get close enough to Jake, no matter how much they pressed together. He was on a high and dizzy like the disorienting thrum of the beat at a techno club. You don’t dance to it you move with it. Dirk was moving with Jake.

Until he was pushed away, his heart beating loudly in his ears along with his own gasping breath and the breaths of the one he loved. “I’m sorry. It was a mistake.” No, it’s alright. The charge wants his caretaker to kiss him like that, tenderly and lovingly. For eternity. “God, Dirk, I’m so sorry. You must think me some villainous cur with no manners.”

“Jake, Jake. Settle down.” Without the sturdy shoulders to ground him, Dirk was floating, his thoughts scattered into the stars. His breaths and the cold hard surface of the countertop he was clinging to, for fear that he might fall over, was bringing them back. “I liked it.” A pregnant silence filled the room, each gasp for air like a gong resounding through the space. The heavy viscous honey of conversation too solid to move, the heat of touch the only thing to make it run. Dirk hand on Jake’s forearm, the brunette not saying a word. “Talk to me, man. It’s not like I can read your facial expression.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry, I had no right to kiss you. I can’t do this with you.”

“It’s okay though.”

“No it’s not!” His voice reaching a high, broken, anxious pitch that Dirk had never heard from him. He could feel the panic expound from Jake in a flash as he spoke faster. “I can’t in good conscious start anything with you. I take money from you and your family. To start a relationship with you would be a betrayal of the contract wouldn’t it? And besides the very nature in which we have developed this….whatever this is, it’s not right. Is it? I mean, I tried to win your favor with treats and good food in the beginning. Does that make me manipulative? Oh god, did I manipulate you? And I made you cuddle with me. Oh dear lord, did I groom you?! Am I some sort of predator?! What the hell is wrong with me!?”

Dirk reached out, first accidentally touching Jake’s chest and then moving to take the shaking hands in his. “Shhhhh. Calm down a moment.” He listened Jake take a few deep breaths. “You like me, right?”

He felt Jake tug at his hands awkwardly and the subtle shifting of his feet. “Yeah…..”

“Than does it really matter how we met. We can be together Jake, c’mon.”

“No, I’m sorry, just no.” Jake pulled away, his footsteps echoing out of the room and down the hall, leaving a vague emptiness in Dirk’s chest. Why does it hurt so much?

Jake appeared later that night, Dirk had already fled to his room. They both heard the remnants of crushed hopes and desires in the footsteps approaching Dirk’s bed and the soft creak as Jake sat at the end of it. “I should never have kissed you. It wasn’t right.”

“Do you have feelings for me?”

“…”

“Jake?”

“I let myself get caught up in the moment. It won’t happen again.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I have other engagements that I must attend to. What happened in the kitchen was a momentary lapse in judgment; it won’t happen again. “

The blonde heard his caretaker begin to rise and he reached out, grasp that strong arm that held him close mere hours ago. “Please, Jake, answer my question.”

The blind male couldn’t how deeply uncomfortable his caretaker was, the kind of uncomfortable that’s an odd blend of arousal and fear. The kind of uncomfortable that a young boy feels when he develops faster than his peers and has romantic interest for the first time. Only this interest was more powerful. In his seclusion, he realized that he was more than attracted to Dirk, more than infatuated with him. He was in love with the blonde. He was in love with the pranks he played with his family. He was in love with the sincere efforts he makes every day to become more autonomous. He was in love with the petulant attitude when he was forced to watch Days of Our Lives. He was in love with all the good and some of the bad in Dirk. And the bad that he didn’t love, he felt unwavering acceptance.

This was new for Jake. He had had girlfriends before, some boyfriends too. He had never loved any of them, infatuated? Yes. Lusted after? Yes. Never loved, not like this. He thought nothing of cutting ties with the girl that stole money from his wallet to buy herself a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. He thought nothing of leaving the relationship with the another girl when his feelings for her faded away, even when she was crying. And making clear with many others that he was only along for the ride, ready to leave when it stopped being fun. He had hopped relationship to relationship with this mentality. Got him into trouble in the past, some partners were possessive even after the thrill had faded.

He wouldn’t do that to Dirk, he knew he wouldn’t, but what if Dirk was only enamored with him? What if he was only a thrill ride that would lose its glimmer and become abandoned for another. He wouldn’t survive it. Even with the blonde clinging to his arm, begging him to tell him the truth. The truth was…Jake was a coward, and he knew it. Terribly selfish too. He rationalized it with the impropriety of such a match, with the fear that Dirk’s feelings wouldn’t extend as far as his own. When, in reality, he was afraid to let go. Let go of the thrill hopping (not that he’d been doing much of that, but at least the option was still there.) Worse, he was afraid that Dirk may actually love him back, truly love him back, how could he handle that? What if he failed? It’s one thing to go on an adventure into uncharted waters with nothing but the clothes on your back. It’s another to traipse around alien land with precious cargo. What if he messed up so bad he broke Dirk? What would he do then? How would he ever forgive himself? …What if Dirk broke him? What if he was okay with being broken?

“I’m sorry,” He cupped the unseeing face with tender hands, a cruel and greedy act, “it was a mistake, I don’t feel that way about you.”

“But the kiss!”  
“I’ve kissed many a lot of people, Dirk. I’m not always the best at checking my impulses. I apologize, you have my sincerest promise it won’t happen again.”

Jake left the room when he saw tears well in Dirk’s eyes. He was unsure if it was truly better this way or if that was just something he told himself.

A week of awkward silence and distance passed between them. No talking during meals, no tv time together. Dirk spent most of his time in his room. Finally, on Saturday night, he wandered into the communal spaces. A waft of sage and juniper berry graced his nose, a heady and lulling aroma. “Smelling good English. What are we having tonight? Something special?” Maybe he had changed his mind. Maybe he was at least willing to give Dirk a chance.

“Actually, I’m going to the movies with Jane. I left dinner on top of the oven so you would be alright.”

A lead weight sank to the pit of Dirk’s stomach and ignited an inferno. His voice, however, went cold, “When did you tell me about this?”

“Oh, I didn’t? A thousand apologies my friend.”

_Fuck you. Fuck you for kissing me. Fuck you for going out with Jane, fuck you and your bullshit._

“I must have forgotten. You know how much of a goofy head I can be, but don’t-“

“I’m surprised you didn’t forget the date too. But whatever Jake, very professional, leaving me here by myself.”

“Well, it’s technically my night off, so I thought I could.”

“Nah, it’s fine. You’ve got your priorities and opportunities. You’ve got to take advantage of those.”

“It’s just for tonight, I’ll try to be early.” _I’m sorry, this is the only way._

“I said it’s alright. I’ll call Roxy, even drunk she still knows what her job is.”

“Hey!” Part of him knew that Dirk had every right to say what he was feeling, to take digs, but he worked hard and he didn’t appreciate the insinuation. “Are you trying to tell me something, Strider?”

“No, I’m not. Have a good evening.”

Why was Jake upset that Dirk wasn’t even trying to stop him? This is something he wanted right? This is what was best. Still….wait….what if Dirk had found someone else already? What if, after Jake rejected him he found some other way to date. He does have a computer that allows him to navigate most websites, maybe he went on a dating site. A flare of possession and jealousy bloomed in Jake. He would show Dirk. “Why yes I will! I hope you won’t mind if I don’t come home so early.” …smooth, real fucking smooth.

“Go ahead dude.”

Jake puffed out his chest, he was going to go out and have a real good time. He was going to have fun like he did before. Find that thrill again and just ride the fucking rollercoaster.

Love sucks. He picked Jane up thinking about who Dirk was really calling. He came in and out of the conversation, thinking about how someone else might have the opportunity to touch Dirk and get close to him. How Dirk might sleep with them. When he was present he was berating himself for being such an awful date. He made sure to smile and hold the door, compliment her on her dress, pay for her food, even when she offered to split.

The movie was a reprieve from the actual date, he didn’t pay much attention, the thoughts of who possibly would date Dirk flitting through his mind. His brain always came back around to some sleazy ruffian with a fetish for the blind flirting with Dirk, skype with him. Just an absolute detestable type of person taking Dirk into their arms. Oh god, without him home, Dirk could be on a hook-up site. The idea of coming home to hear some disgusting person having their way with the love of his life. No, that’s ridiculous. He’s…being possessive. Like his old flames. He has no right. The movie ends.

He apologized to Jane for being a terrible date and told her he had a fight with Dirk (side-stepping any mention of the kiss). She understood, “I was surprised when you asked me out. I thought you and Dirk were sweet together.”

“I’m only his caretaker.”

“Seems like more than that to me.”

“It’s hardly proper.”

“Since when is love ever proper? Jake,” She sighed “Jake, I don’t know what exactly is going on with you two, but you need to stop beating around the bush.”

“It’s complicated.”

“What relationship isn’t?! Maybe you’re shy, I get that. Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship with him, but it’s clear you like him. Figure out what you want to do and do it! It’s not fair to leave him in suspense like this. You two are close, I know you are. Yet, you take ME out on a date. How does Dirk feel?”

Jake chose not to answer. Instead dropping her off and rushing towards home to see how Dirk spent his night. When he arrived, he found his food barely touched and Dirk’s bedroom door shut. He stood in front of it, staring at the vast empty plane, unsure of what to do. Why does he always fuck shit up? He never thinks things through. The gleam of the door handle reminded him of this last home, the one before he was living out of storage unit. His girlfriend of three years. His cavalier attitude. Her tears. His arrogance. His callousness.

Maybe this is divine punishment. After breaking so many hearts, he ended up breaking his own as well…and the heart of the one he loved most. No ride, no thrill, only pain. Love was his curse to bear, he only wished he had been strong enough to bear it alone. He wanted to go in a lay on the bed, take Dirk into his arms and apologize. No, he wanted to go in and erase the kiss and the feelings from Dirk’s mind. The guy didn’t deserve the heartbreak, not when Jake wasn’t even ready to try. Letting remorse wash over him, he made his way to his room and threw his clothes in the corner.


	11. illness shows what our feelings cannot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, I did not mean to take a three month break. The new chapter is finally here and I'm going to aim to get a new chapter up every one to two weeks.

Dirk awoke with a start, a nightmare still dancing in the forefront of his mind _. Trapped in a thick mass, barely able to move, sinking down into its depths as he called out for Jake. No one came._ Shaking the heavy feeling from his head and limbs, he climbed out of bed. Taking a few deep breaths, he paced around the room, figuring out how he was going to handle the day. Stony silence? Icy politeness and civility? ….Warmth and friendliness so maybe they could cuddle on the couch and he could feel Jake near him and think about the kiss; maybe he could pretend they were a couple?

His hand rested on the doorknob as he considered his options. His gut felt heavy and his limbs felt like lead, bingeing on junk food did not agree with him. He should have at least eaten some of the dinner Jake had made. Trudging into the kitchen, Dirk was shaken by the piercing silence. “Jake?” No answer. He felt along the countertops for any sign of use, but found them clear. Worried, he made his way back to the hall and found his way to Jake’s room.

Knocking, he pressed his ear against the door, waiting for any signal that Jake was in there. “Come in.” A soft, weak, and raspy reply. Opening the door, Dirk was struck by the scent of menthol and moist air hitting his skin. Jake whined and Dirk could hear the shuffling of blankets and a small puff as if someone had lost their balance and fell a short distance. Dirk made his way to the bed, his hand brushing the scorching skin of Jake’s arm as he felt his caretaker flinch at the contact. “Sorry, I’m just achy.”

Shifting his weight from foot to foot, and using his free hand to play with his hair, Dirk tried to lighten the mood. “So you’re sick. Way to do the opposite of your job, Jake.” The brunette began to laugh before devolving into a coughing fit. Dirk outstretched his arms, waving his hands a little, “What can I do?”

“There’s some Advil in the bathroom, second cabinet, it will be the smallest bottle.”

Dirk returned quickly from his venture, bottle in hand. “Here.”

“That’s shampoo.”

“Oh.” Returning to the bathroom, a prickling rose underneath his skin and an awkward sense of urgency engulfed his chest. He tripped on a mat by the sink, his sight stick sent flying and his hands reaching out, just catching himself on the edge of the counter. The momentum propelling him further and his other arm stretched out, scrambling for further purchase on the surface, resulting in many containers shoved over the edge. A sharp sound of glass breaking echoed in the small room and after a little more wavering, Dirk finally regained his balance.

“Dirk?!” He whipped around to call out the door, taking a step outward, only for his foot to slide on one of the casualties on the floor, his arms bring more items with him as he fell. “DIRK!?!”

“Uh… sorry. I’m okay.” He heard haggard footsteps reaching the doorway and a soft laugh followed by another coughing fit. Guilt was biting at the back of his mind. He had every right to be angry. He had every right to take one listen to Jake’s cold and turn away. Something felt intrinsically wrong that option. Standing up, he reached out, probing. Jake took his hand, guiding him out of the bathroom and presenting him with his sight stick. The sound of items skidding across the floor, the creak of the cabinet door, and the gentle pop of an open pill bottle.

“Come along, let’s get you breakfast.”

“Dude, you’re not up for that.”

“Well, you’re not capable of it.” Dirk flinched at the statement. “I meant only that I haven’t trained you in dealing with the potentially dangerous appliances.”

“We’ll eat out then.”

Jake was quiet for a moment, the only sound in the room was his gentle wheezing. “Alright.”

“I want you in my bed too.”

“What?!” Dirk did his best to stifle a smirk, although he felt heat rise on his neck.

“It’s bigger and there’s an easy button nearby that calls 911. Just in case.”

“Dirk, it’s just a co-“ Jake’s rebuttal was cut off with a great hacking cough that sounded like pneumonia taking root.

“C’mon. It doesn’t have to be anything romantic. I just, want to-“ He stopped himself, biting his lip and trying his best to think of something less corny. “People have been taking care of me all my life. I’d like to at least TRY and return the favor.”

Jake sniffled and sneezed, and with the sound of a nasally voice unable to take a proper breath, he replied. “Fine.  But I’m answering the door for the pizza and you have to be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Fine.” The two made their way to Dirk’s bedroom, where Jake collapsed onto the bed, breathing heavy. The rustling of the blankets and a few weak whines peppered the air until he was situated. Dirk grabbed his phone, dialing the number based as the phone told him what numbers he pressed, ordering their pizza. “I should’ve ordered you soup now that I think about it. Your stomach okay?”

“Mm-hmm.” Long and drawn out, but weak. Dirk crawled in bed with him, Jake’s body was clammy.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Better, think the Advil helped the fever.” He coughed into the tissues in his hands. “Will you be okay if I doze for a while?”

“Yeah, I’m an adult Jake.”

“Right….don’t forget to wake me.” Jake’s body slowly relaxed into a completely limp state, Dirk had no plans of waking him. Instead he relaxed next to Jake, he should be angry. He shouldn’t be this happy to lay next to the brunette. Yet, when his caretaker rolled in his sleep, an arm slung around the blind male’s waist, he felt a tremulous frisson course through him. He spent a great deal of time considering what it meant, his reaction, his feelings. And as he listened to the sick male breathe through his mouth in a steady relaxed way of sleep, he realized he was doomed.

When the doorbell rang, Dirk slipped out of bed and grabbed the cash by the door, quickly scanning it with a gadget his brother surprised him with a few years ago, to determine the value of the bills. Taking what he needed, he paid for the delivery guy and took the pizza. Fixing himself a plate, he filled his belly while listening to the Supernatural marathon on TV, falling asleep sometime during season five.

He awoke sometime later to Jake plopping down next to him. “I know you can’t see it, but I’m glaring at you.”

“Why?”

“You were supposed to wake me to get the pizza.”

“You were asleep, besides I made sure he got the right amount of money.”

“What if he had tried to overpower you?”

Dirk let out an exasperated sigh, “Don’t turn into Roxy on me. I can take care of myself.”

“…”

“I’m serious dude, I can handle a fucking delivery boy.”

He heard Jake shift in his seat. “I’m sorry. Perhaps my cold has made me a bit neurotic.” Dirk felt a hand pat his shoulder as the nasally voice said in a moment of emotional exposure. “I just don’t like the feeling of leaving you vulnerable.”

“Jake, a cold is hardly ‘leaving me vulnerable’. I’m not an infant. It’s you who has the cold.” Dirk reached out and Jake close to him, “ _I_ want to take care of _you._ ”

“You just squished my pizza into your shirt.”

“…Way to ruin the moment dick waffle.”

“What the hell is a dick waffle?”

“You, you are a dick waffle.”

“Go change your shirt, I’ll treat it and get the stain out.”

“You are fucking sick. You will sit on this fucking couch and do nothing but eat pizza and sleep until you feel better.”

“….Okay, I’ll stop acting like Roxy if you stop acting like my grandmother.”

“I’m not sure what that means, but deal.”

The rest of the night passed quietly. Dirk helped Jake back to bed and the two slept next to each other.

When Dirk awoke the next morning, he felt the telltale tickle in the back of his throat, the mild headache, and the foreboding chill down his spine. He was sick. This was not the first thing that caught his attention, instead, it was Jake’s arm draped across his torso and his chest against the blonde’s back. The warmth of Jake’s body helped the ice he felt in his bones. He felt like a he was floating in a perfectly still pond. Jake curled tighter around him and he felt something hard against his ass. His heartbeat in his ears and he ignored the growing desire in his gut. Morning wood was hardly a sign that Jake wanted anything more, he made it quite clear this was a platonic relationship. He shouldn’t think of the dick against him or what it would feel like in his mouth.

After a few moments, Jake began to stir, rolling away and stretching with a satisfied yawn. “Mmm….? How did I get in your bed?!” a stressed and mortified tone.

“You were sick, I wanted you close by, so I made you share mine.”

Jake groaned, “Yesterday’s a blur.”

“How do you feel?”

“…Pretty good actually.” Dirk relaxed and felt the heaviness of illness wash over him. “How about we go out for breakfast?” The idea of eggs and bacon or pancakes, or anything else breakfast related made the blonde’s stomach curl and plop in his abdomen.

“No thanks.”

“…You look pale.” A cool hand met his sweating forehead and the cupped his face. “Shit,” Jake’s weight disappeared from the bed and returned in moments, coaxing Dirk onto his back. “Put this under your tongue.” A small thin device with a cold metal tip was pressed to Dirk’s lips, he did as he was told.

A few moments later the thermometer beeped, “101.3,” Jake muttered before disappearing again, longer this time and his blood freezing underneath his skin, his mind was clouding more and he felt disembodied; simultaneously weightless and weighed down all in one heavy head. Jake returned and placed pills in his hand and a cup to his lips. “I want you to push fluids.”

“Aye aye captain.” His caretakers touch was gentle and comforting, a feather of an angel brushing against his cheek and the divine light of heaven shone through his blind eyes. Every minute he felt worse. He could hear Jake pacing about the room, some incomprehensible whispers falling into the otherwise silent air.

“Is there anything I can get you?”

“Mm-mm.” He felt the tug of sleep pull at his conscious. The desire for Jake to be near him and hold him, hold his hand, hold his face, kiss his cheek, it was overwhelming. 

“I’ll be right back.” a distant alarm bell rang as Dirk fought to stay awake, the feel of the sheets against his skin fell away, the subtle scent of menthol disappeared, and the bell broke into nothingness.

The blonde awoke a little while later, the sound of pages turning and a gentle, nearly imperceptible, bounce to his bed told him Jake was reading and incredibly anxious. He groaned and turned over, a hand immediately on his forehead, feeling like ice. “Shit.”

Body heat faded away and left the blonde shivering until he was presented with frozen caplets and ice water. “I’m going to get you some soup.” Dirk reached out, managing to grasp the tail of Jake’s shirt.

“Not hungry.” He croaked.

“You should eat.”

Dirk whined, in pain and his stomach clenched at the thought of food. “No. Come back to bed. You’re warm.” He felt a moment’s pause in his caretaker before the brunette relented and climbed back into bed. Dirk buried himself into Jake’s warm and comforting chest, while the brunette stroked his hair and tried not to let affection resonate in his core.

Dirk’s fever finally broke a few hours later. Jake doted on him, bringing him soup, changing his sheets, and keeping his water constantly filled. As night fell, they decided it would be best for Jake to sleep in Dirk’s bed once more, to keep an eye on Dirk’s condition.


	12. Jake, just date the boy for god's sake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter despite the time that went into it. I just couldn't make it longer without draining the main point of the chapter.

The dawn of their new normal cast light over the two in bed, fully clothed in oversized pajamas, embracing each other. Neither had been sick for a week. Jake was the first to wake, looking at the blonde’s sleeping face and bed head. He shouldn’t be doing this. He should push the guy away, like before. His hand brushed hair away from the serene expression, to admire it fully. He thought of his life and his future. The idea of spending mornings like this, in bed together, brought a warm feeling to his core.

Dirk stirred within minutes, yawning and pulling Jake into a cuddle, something that still made the brunette blush as his hand threaded through the blonde’s hair. Dirk buried his face in Jake’s chest, breathing deeply before pulling away. “Why do you smell so good in the morning?”

“I…don’t know?”

“Fucking made some deal with fairy didn’t you?”

“Yes, I made a deal with one of the fae to always smell my best in the morning, it was totally worth the price of my personhood and soul.”

“Don’t be a smartass, it’s too early.”

“It’s 10 AM”

“And that’s too early.” Jake patted the smaller male’s shoulders and lifted his torso off the bed.

“How about we have some breakfast.”

“You’re cooking.”

“Don’t I always?” The blonde male gave a tired, exasperated expression in Jake’s general direction. “Alright, eggs?”

“Pancakes.”

“You got it.” There was a lingering moment, a pause two seconds too long. The thread of intimacy was wound taut and for an instant the two could see themselves outside of their experience. Like a person looking into the window and watching them.

Jake made a few noises as he got out of bed, cheerful and upbeat. Dirk sprawled across the bed and wondered what this new arrangement meant.

Jake forced the idea of romance aside, cooking up breakfast for the two of them, when his phone rang. “Hello? Hey! How is everything? Mm-hm. How nice. What? Uh…sure.”

Dirk peeled himself off the bed sheets, groping for his shades and walking stick. Making his way down the hall, bumping against the walls more than once, he plopped down into his favorite dining room chair, listening to Jake in the next room. “Okay, sounds like a plan. Uh-huh, see you then. Love you too.”

The blonde listened to the shuffling and the clinking of plates, followed by footsteps and the gentle slide of the plate across the table. “Who was that?” Asked Dirk.

“…How have you been sleeping?”

Taken aback by the transparent avoidance, Dirk responded, “Good, really good.”

“So, you haven’t been bothered by sharing a bed?”

“No, have you?”

“No. Not at all. I was just thinking, it isn’t very professional.”

“I think that ship sailed a long time ago. It’s not like this is a corporate office Jake.”

“Right, but what if your siblings paid an unexpected visit?”

“They’d have to deal. It is my life after all. And it’s not like we’re entangled in some roundabout bullshit romance. We just share a bed. Even if we were caught up in some bullshit, it’s our bullshit and they can just fucking deal.”

Silence ensued and the two finished breakfast with an awkward brush of fingertips as their hands met at the edge of Dirk’s plate. “I’m sorry, are you not finished?”

“No, I’m done. I was just going to take it in for once.”

His voice like a tender embrace in Dirk’s chest. “Don’t worry about it.” And then the gentle caress turned into a playful smack, “It’s better than buying new dishes again.”

“I only broke three!”

“You broke five and two cups. Frankly my dear, you are a giant butter fingers.”

“Your dear?”

“….I was paraphrasing from Gone with the Wind.”

“Right.”

Twenty minutes later, Dirk heard the telltale jingle of Jake’s messenger bag and the keys attached to it. “I’m going out to pay some bills….uh….there’s something important I need to talk to you about later. It’ll have to wait until I get back.” The quaver in his voice sent a jolt of anxiety through Dirk.

“Okay, later.” The click of the door unleashed a whirlwind of consideration. Had he rethought the relationship? Was he going to ask the blonde out? Was he going to confess his love? Was he going to propose?! No, that’s ridiculous, there’s no way they’d be ready for that. Or wait, maybe it isn’t good news. Maybe Jake has decided the arrangement is too weird. They have been sleeping in the same bed. Dirk thought it was just a natural evolution of circumstances, perhaps Jake felt obligated. Maybe he truly doesn’t feel the way Dirk had assumed he felt. Maybe things had just become too weird. Maybe he was going to resign. Dirk was shaking at the thought, he probably ruined everything. That “love you” he heard, Jake probably has a girlfriend or something and here Dirk was being pushy and all Jake wanted was to do his job!

The scenarios only became more outlandish and self-deprecating as time went on. The blonde was left to pace and ponder and re-evaluate every interaction he ever had with his caretaker. He fell into reminiscence, thinking of the kiss, of Jake’s sounds through the door of his bedroom, his hot hands massaging medication into his back. He briefly wondered what Jake would look like. It’s hard to gauge with no point of reference. He sounded kind, attractive, and a little reckless. His inflections were charming, his hair was soft, and when Dirk felt his face as he cared for the sick caretaker, he noticed a dimple near his chin. Dirk doubted there was anyone more handsome on Earth. Someday, he hoped Jake would open up, accept his feelings (if he really was hiding them), and let Dirk…feel his body. A slow exploration of the contours of his physique. To know every inch of that wonderful human, would be heaven. He sat down at his mixing board and set about creating a piece that would fit Jake, that would in effect BE Jake in a lyrical way.

At some point, the blonde fell asleep, jolted awake by the sound of a slamming door. He wiped the drool from his mouth and fixed his hair, their conversation earlier this morning leaping to the forefront of his mind.

“Dirk? I’m home. The water bill was kind of high, you might want to consider taking shorter sho-“

The mundane topic of day to day life was like skidding wheels in his ears and a hand against his back, urgent and impatient. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Oh, well…you see.” The sound of rustling and the gentle squeak of the hard would floor harmonized with the unease in the brunette’s voice. Nervousness dripping from his form and feeding a cruel anticipation into Dirk’s own.

“M- my- uh?”

A tender thread snapping beneath Dirk’s fingertips. “Your what?” His hands raised and with the slightest tremble.

“My grandmother is coming to visit. Dirk, can she stay here? I know it isn’t proper to ask and I promise it would be a one-time thing, you can take money out of my salary if you like.”

“That’s it!”

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have asked, what with everything between us I just-“

“No!” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “No Jake, it’s fine. Your grandmother is welcome. This is basically your house too. I mean, not legally, but you get what I mean. I’m not taking anything out of your salary.” Dirk reached out, a longing for touch as he draped his arms around Jake and petted his hair. “Is that who you were on the phone with this morning.”

“Yes, I just wasn’t sure how to bring this up.” Pent up anxiety Dirk didn’t even realize was there released itself from his stomach and he felt empty, leaning on Jake. “Are you okay?!”

“Mm…fine.” Honesty? No, partial honesty. “Thought you were quitting, scared me. Asshole.” He heard a small chuckle and those familiar muscled arms around his waist.

A delicately tender tone in his ear “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Better not.” A hand traced circles in his back and they stood together for some time before finally getting on with their day.


	13. Grandma Loves to Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided to cut the story shorter than I had originally intended, pretty much cutting out the entire second plot that was supposed to kick in half way through the story. I figure I’ll put it on the back burner and it may return as a sequel after I’ve distanced myself from this story for a bit. I’m mostly doing this because I want to try writing out a full story before I post the first chapter. That way I can go through all the edits, proper plot building, etc. I can’t do that though, until this is done.So, yeah. Including this chapter there should only be about 3-4 chapters left. 
> 
> Also, sorry for the late update. I kind of became obsessed with an otome game and it's completely derailed a lot of projects I was steadily working on. I'm finishing it tonight and taking a break from gaming for a couple of weeks to get back on track.

Jake’s grandma was a kindly woman, a hugger, much like Jake himself. She, however, lacked Jake’s decorum and didn’t hesitate to talk at length about the proper method of gutting a deer at the dinner table. She was sure to use vivid language, for Dirk’s benefit, to make up for the fact that he couldn’t see her wild gestures. The tone in Jake’s voice suggested a deep dismay, Dirk remained silent and willed his stomach to hold onto the food he had just eaten.

“Grandma, that’s enough, please.”

“I’m just given the boy some information about hunting, not like he’ll ever have the chance with his suburbanite family and you with your rejection of the old ways.”

“I just reject the notion of senseless killing!”

“It’s tradition.”

“Tradition is nonsense.”

“Yes dear, you made quite clear what you thought of family traditions at Christmas, unlike Jade.” Jake let out a deep sigh while Dirk did not dare move. He felt as though he was a forgotten intrusion on a deeply intimate family moment. To bring attention to himself was a hazard he didn’t want to face.  “Well, I doubt your boyfriend wants to hear us bicker.” She patted Dirk on the shoulder, making him jump. “So sorry, chap.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, I am his caretaker.”

“I know you like to think that dear, but your endless blabbering at Christmas of this young fellow you got here, well that said something entirely different.”

A question bubbled in Dirk’s chest and out of his mouth before he could think. “He talked about me?”

“My, my! You wouldn’t believe the things he had to say about you. Thought you was a rock star or something with the way he spoke. He did your looks justice though, surprised you don’t have a hundred boys after you.”

“Grandma, please, for the love of god.”

“Now dear, you know I’m an atheist. And look at you blush, haven’t seen you blush so hard since I found your girly magazines when you was a teenager.”

Jake uttered a long drawn out sigh, from the sound of it, through muffled hands.

“Now, if you don’t stop your pouting, I won’t give you any of the springerle I brought with me.” Jake chose to stay silent. “No pouting.”

“I’m not.” Jake was definitely pouting.

His grandmother let out her own exasperated breath before chuckling. Turning to Dirk, she clapped a hand on his forearm, “Always was a mope-r this one, be careful. Say one wrong thing to him and he’ll sulk for days.”

Dirk smiled, playing along, “Really? I thought he was more of a defiant action person. Whenever you say something he doesn’t like he insists on doing the opposite.”

“That, I’m afraid, he got from his sister. Jade was always the type of person to do the opposite of what she was asked. Taught him her ways, his teenage years were full of incidents like that.”

“Really you two, I’m right here.” Jake interjected.

“Pouters don’t get to be included in the conversation.” Said Grandma Harley.

Dirk listened for a while as the two bickered for the next two hours, there wasn’t any malice in their voice, only teasing and feigned irritation.

As the three readied themselves for bed and the two boys headed for Dirk’s room. “I thought you weren’t together?” a wise, playful voice said, setting a small jolt through their nerves. Jake sputtered, trying to come up with a plausible, totally platonic reason for their sleeping arrangements, but only succeeding in making himself look like he was hiding something. Dirk chose to remain quiet.

Grandma Harley made a triumphant little sound and disappeared for a moment, reappearing before the two could escape into Dirk’s room. “Hey!” The two spun around as Dirk heard a yelp and fumbling with items before they dropped to the floor. Jake was quick to pick one of the items up, but Dirk was able to grab the other before he could reach for it. A tube was in his hand, screw top and small, smooth surface and no obvious raised labeling or dents.

“What’s this?” He asked Jake.

He could hear the brunette mutter almost inaudibly. “Lube.”

“There you go blushing again. What? You think your grandma doesn’t know about anal sex? It’s a gift, your welcome. Night-night.” Dirk couldn’t see it, but he was sure she had winked at them before closing her door. His caretaker grabbed his wrist, his touch warm and firm, leading him into the bedroom.

As the two laid in bed, Jake’s arm holding Dirk close, the blind male asked, “Jake?”

“Yeah?”

“You sure we’re not in a romantic relationship?”

He felt the arm pull away and the warmth from his back fade. “We’re not. If we were your sister would kill me.”

“Again with my family. How about a decision with just me? Leave my family out of it.”

“Dirk, if we’re going to have this conversation, I’m going to my own room. I’m very tired. If you want to talk about this, we’ll talk about it later.” Begrudgingly, Dirk held his tongue and fell into a fitful slumber.

 

The morning was an endless flat expanse of silence, stretching on for eternity and leaving all involved with a desperate thirst for distraction. Jake, of course, was the one to provide an oasis. “So, grandma, we’ll take you to Seattle Center tomorrow, I’m afraid I have some errands to run today. You’re welcome to come with, I doubt it will be very interesting though.”

“No dear, I think I’ll stay here and get to know your boy-“

“-Employer” Jake cut her off. Dirk could hear her play with a spoon in her mug, the gentle clink of the metal against porcelain suggesting she was biding time until she could think of a suitable reply.

“Housemate.” She finally settled. Unfortunately for Dirk, he missed a series of facial expressions. A silent conversation done with vague gestures, communicating Grandma Harley overstepping her bounds, and general frustration with Jake’s demeanor. While Dirk could not see this exchange, the subtle sound of the two shifting in their seats and hands repeatedly lifting up and resting on the table gave him some idea. For the benefit of all, he chose to feign ignorance.

Once Jake was gone, Dirk sat on the couch, offering Grandma Harley use of the remote. They weren’t five minutes into Judge Judy when the old woman asked her question. “So, really Dirk, how long of you two been going out?”

Dirk smirked. “We haven’t.”

“Oh I know that’s what Jacob wants you to say. That boy, my stars, he’d keep snow a secret from polar bears if he could. Since he moved to the mainland he’s become so cutoff. I don’t understand it.”

Dirk shifted, feeling the need to say something. “I think he’s done some things he regrets. We don’t really talk about his life before he started working here. Nothing outside of family or general interests anyway. I’ve spoken to my aunt about it, she’s an…amateur psychologist. She suspects he over-compartmentalizes his life.” Dirk chose to leave out the suspicion of trauma or regret as causes, apprehensive of insinuating misdeeds from the old woman.

“Hmm. So, you and him?”

Dirk to a deep breath. If Jake was going to use his family as a way to stay out of relationship, then Dirk would talk with HIS family. “I’d be lying if I said there was nothing between us. It’s never really broken through the awkward stage though. Even our sleeping arrangements aren’t what you think. All we do is sleep.” As he spoke and listened to her non-judgmental silence, he felt as though he was under some sort of spell, like everything he had been feeling, everything he had held it, was just pouring out of him. He had a person right next to him that was clearly for their relationship, it was nice. “There was an attempt to….establish something, but Jake freaked out and it ended before it started.” He felt his head droop, like he could suddenly feel the weight of the words and events that had happened over the past few months.

“That boy, I swear. Always, ALWAYS over complicating things. That’s just his way dear. He either overcomplicates something until he destroys them or jumps in head first without thinking. I tell ya, when he was six, he helped his grandfather build a treehouse. Now, he didn’t want girls in it, we told him he couldn’t do that, that he had to let Jade in. So the boy looks at some old law books I had in my attic and puts together a contract for his sister to sign. Not that he knew what any of it meant. It was home mortgage templates, still he insisted she sign it. Then he asked me to read it to him, I made something up and he tried to change everything to suit what he wanted. By the end of the day he somehow managed to convince himself that Jade actually owned the treehouse.” She laughed and continued. “Yet, only a few years later, when he was a teenager, he did so many stupid things.  I can’t tell you how many fathers came to our house with his collar in one hand and his camera in the other. He had no plan, tried to take pictures of girls changing in the afternoon. No forethought whatsoever.”

Dirk felt himself smile and laugh a little. “So he was the peeping tom of the neighborhood?”

Grandma Harley laughed. “Yes, oh my, yes. At least, until his first little girlfriend. Well, I shouldn’t call her little, she was sixteen. Broke his heart poor thing, they dated for maybe two months when he walked in on her and his best friend. Then he went through a couple of boyfriends, one moved away, the other was just as bad as his girlfriend. After that he’d only date people for a few weeks before breaking up with them.” Grandma Harley let out a sad sigh, “Don’t give up on him yet dear. He likes you, he was so smitten at Christmas, the way he talked about you. I haven’t heard him talk about anyone like that in years. Just give him some time, alright?”

“Yeah, okay.” The conversation moved on to less heavy topics, although still mostly about Jake. Dirk was able to learn that his caretaker had been a boy scout in his youth, the best at tying knots apparently.

“Envy of all his peers”, his grandmother said. Dirk chose to tuck the information away for later and not think about the implications of it in that moment. Dirk also learned a variety of smaller things, Jake’s love of Jack-o-lanterns and his intense fear of clowns. He learned that Jake was a highly competitive chess player when he was younger, although he gave it up when he entered into his teens. He also learned that Jake grew up without his parents, but inherited their spirit for discovery and adventure.

Jake arrived home later that night, suspicious of the sudden silence from his grandmother. As he and his charge lay in bed together he couldn’t help but ask, “What did you two talk about while I was away?”

“You, mostly.”

“What about me?”

“Let’s just say I REALLY wish I could see you perform the bun-bun-hop dancing.” Jake groaned while Dirk chuckled.

“I was three.”

“She brought the video. Said it was the mandatory embarrassing child video. I listened to it, you sounded very energetic.” He heard Jake groan and again and bury himself in his pillow.

“Do I even want to know what else?”

“That was probably the worst of it.”

“Good.” Jake maneuvered himself back into their standard cuddling position and they settled in for the night together.

“Oh, wait, Jake?”

“Yes?” Dirk turned around so he was facing Jake his hands reaching and finding his jawline. Something about the conversation today spurred something within him.

“What is it?”

“Shh.” Dirk felt Jake tense under his touch, it was now or never. Dirk leaned in and kissed Jake, more than just a peck, but short enough so Jake couldn’t pull away and refuse; before promptly turning back over to his original position. “Good night.” He felt a small turbulence in the one beside him, the body growing a little warmer and after a few moments, Jake settled back into their traditional spooning position. The brunette’s body was tense, however, he seemed adamant in holding Dirk close to him as they drifted into a sea of dreams.


	14. Dirk's Ultimatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got my head out of my ass and finished this chapter.

The next morning Grandma Harley and the boys went to Seattle Center. It was quiet and mostly secluded for the uneventful weekend. However, the three spent some time in the EMP, looking at and listening to the Nirvana exhibit, the exhibit of movie horror (which Dirk could only handle a short time, the amount of screams on the audio track was overwhelming,) and the exhibit on the history of science fiction. Once they were finished, Jake escorted his grandmother to the bottom of the Space Needle.

“We’ll wait down here.” Jake said, shaking off Dirk’s attempt to grab his hand.

“Are you sure? There’s a restaurant upstairs, I thought we could sit and eat.”

Dirk cut in, “The restaurant in infamously overpriced and terrible. There’s an Asian fusion place not far from here. The food and service is much better.”

“Well alright then. I’ll be back down in a jiffy.”

“Take your time.” The boys said in unison.

“Really, there’s no rush. We’ll be in the Center House when you’re ready.” Jake smiled.  Grandma Harley nodded, and stepped into the elevator, while Dirk took a firm hold of Jake’s hand. The brunette chose not to brush him off again. They stepped into the Center House and decided to get a frappucino while they waited, since there a rare moment of no-line at the Starbucks. They ordered their drinks waiting near the counter for them to be prepared. Dirk rested his head on Jake’s shoulder, making Jake tense and grow rigid. “You tired?” He asked, trying to keep his tone light and not betray his discomfort.

“A little, the caffeine and sugar should wake me up.” When their drinks were ready, Dirk head rose, turning slightly and kissing his caretaker’s shoulders before rising complete.

Dirk didn’t see Jake’s blush or the barista’s knowing smile, but he heard her giggle and say “You two make a cute couple.” Jake took their drinks, handing one to Dirk and grabbing his wrist, dragging him to a table away from prying eyes.

Jake sat down. Dirk took his seat and listened as the brunette did his anxiety breathing exercises and counted down from one hundred. He sat there, directly facing his caretaker with a sightless gaze and a smirk on his face, quietly sipping his mocha frap.

Once Jake was finished, he spoke. “Okay, clearly my predicament means nothing to you, but could you please stop with the tender touches and trying to hold my hand. Please.”

Dirk shifted in his seat, slightly self-conscious. “You like me, don’t you? I couldn’t have read all of this wrong. We sleep in the same bed, you kissed me, and the only reason you’ve given for not dating me is my family. Well, I’m not my family and I’m not playing this game anymore. I can make choices about what happens in my life. Being blind doesn’t make me naïve and it sure as hell doesn’t make me someone who can be twisted around. So make a decision.” Dirk hand was shaking as he took his own calming breaths. “Look, you know my feelings and I think yours have been pretty clear. However, if you want whatever this is between us to stop? You’re a grown man and you can make it stop. YOU’VE been misleading, not me. If you really want this to stop, then stop sleeping in my bed, stop being so friendly, and we can treat this as a strictly client/caretaker relationship. That means no more surprise gifts, no more cuddling, no more spending your off days or off nights with me. Let’s compartmentalize this god damned relationship so we can both function out this weird fucking limbo we’ve allowed ourselves into. And don’t you dare, don’t you fucking dare, EVER kiss me again. If that’s your choice Jake, truly your choice, I’ll respect it, but you WILL respect me too.”

Jake sat there, surprised at the firm quality of Dirk’s voice. His mind was static and the world blurred at the edges. What did he want? He thought he knew, given this choice though. The choice to go back like things were before, to start over before everything blended and the line in the sand hand been obscured by their kiss. Is that really what he wanted? If he took that option would he truly fix anything? Would he be protecting Dirk? Or would it simply be another moment of needless self-sacrifice for some illusion of reward?

A figure approached them from across the giant room. “My grandma is back.” Jake’s on voice felt small in his mouth. “You deserve an answer, just, please wait until tonight. I’d like this to remain private.”

“Fine.”

 

The rest of the day went without incident, the three ate at Wild Ginger, talking mostly about Jake. Grandma Harley regaled them with more stories from Jake’s youth, including the time he was about fourteen and streaked through his school on a ten-dollar bet. “He was nearly suspended! I swear.” She shook her finger at her laughing grandson, “You really didn’t know when to stop.” The boys were mercifully distracted from their uneven feelings for each other and were lost in conversation. The three laughed and finished their meal, chatting in the car all the way home.

They arrived home at eight, Grandma Harley said goodnight and retired to her room to shower and read before bed. Jake was about to head to the kitchen for dessert when Dirk cleared his throat. “I still want an answer, Jake.” His voice not as steady as it was earlier in the day. “I don’t want to share a bed for another night if you aren’t serious about us.”

Jake sighed and sat down at their dining room table. “Come here.” Dirk stiffly sat down and waited in silence. Taking a few more breaths Jake finally spoke, “I’m not going to deny my feelings. I care for you, deeply. There’s something you should know about me though, Dirk. I’m haven’t been a very good boyfriend to nearly everyone I was in a relationship with. I’ve used people and thrown them aside. Just thinking about it now, I’m sickened by myself. I-I don’t want to do that to you.” He reached out, brushing a strand of blonde hair from Dirk’s face. “I don’t trust myself to treat you right, I don’t think I could bear hurting you.”

At this Dirk frowned, “This sounds like one of your soap operas.”

“No, I don’t mean it that way at all. I…just want to be honest with you. I want to start a relationship with you, but you must hold me accountable if I…am cruel or neglectful in anyway. And, I’d like to take things slow. This may sound odd, but I don’t want to have sex right away. Too many of my relationships have been based on sex and it brought out the worse in both myself and my former partners. Is that alright with you?”

Dirk breathed. “Yeah, yeah that’s fine” His mind and heart fluttered. His hope rose to the night skies. “So…we’re an item now?”

“Yeah, I think we are.” Both smiled widely.

“So, can I get a kiss?” Jake moved into the seat next to Dirk, cupping his face softly and kissed him. A gentle tender kiss brought a pleasant warmth inside them both. A tremor of something new and a comfort of someone they each felt, was the only person in the world for them. Dirk could feel heat rise to the surface of his skin and a delightful stirring in his veins. He gripped Jake’s shoulders, leaning into the kiss more, his tongue swiping across Jake’s mouth. The caretaker paused for a few dreadful moments before opening his mouth and letting Dirk explore. The brunette tasted sweet and felt like a cozy fire on a winter night. Dirk could feel his excitement rising a little as he felt Jake shudder and his thick tongue entered the blondes mouth. A moan escaped the blind male and Jake held him tighter, eliciting an additional whimper. 

The two separated and Jake whispered against his lips, “You’re getting hot already aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Dirk let out a wanton sigh.

“Mmm, remember, no sex.”

“Other ways of getting off.” Dirk voice had an edge of desperation.

“True, I suppose we could do that, though not with my grandmother in the house. I think I’d make you moan too loud.” He smiled against Dirk’s neck. “If you promise not to touch tonight, I’ll touch you as many times as you want after I drop her off tomorrow. That okay?”

Dirk mulled the idea in his head for a few moments, the thought of Jake’s hands finally on him was worth the wait. “Yeah.”


	15. The Closest Jake Has Ever Felt to Someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys FINAL chapter! This was what was originally going to be the midway point in the story, but I think it serves better as an ending. I have an idea (where the story was originally going to go from here) but I think I’m going to sit on it for a little while.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading my story! I hope you enjoy the ending!

Jake kept his word, rushing home after dropping his grandmother off at the airport, he threw the door open and greeted Dirk with a hungry kiss. The blonde reciprocated with enthusiasm pent up from years of denial. Dirk’s hands were clumsy and desperate next to Jake’s skilled fingers, fingers that know just how to please his partner. A teasing touch here, and soft pinch there, and he wasn’t afraid to grope with his full hand when he felt the moment was right. Dirk melted beneath his touch, his moaning loud and his body unable to keep still. He was overwhelmed by pleasure and when Jake whispered sweet things in his ear, not lewd, not even sexy, but little notes of awe (“My that’s a fine jawline. You have lovely eyelashes”), Dirk’s whole body thrummed with heat and want. He reached out for Jake, trying to make his boyfriend feel the way he felt. When his hand wandered below the belt, his wrist was pinned to his side. “Ah, ah, this is for you. Darling. I told you, I don’t want to get off so early.”

Dirk tried to protest, his words mixed with a carnal song, desperately restrained, but not hidden. Jake kissed him sweetly and whispered in his ear, “I’m fine. I want you to enjoy yourself. Okay?” Dirk shook his head, he wanted to touch to, he wanted to do something. He had been taken care of enough in his life. “Shhh,” Jake said. “You’ll get your turn later, I promise.” And with that he brought Dirk to climax, watching his lover arch and cry out certainly made it harder to restrain himself, he’s never denied himself to before. The sweetness of abstinence had its own reward. There was something endearing about his lover’s tired form heaving against the sheets. He wanted to cherish this, he didn’t want to be selfish ever again.

The days passed on much like they had before the two had become a couple. They slept in the same bed, the only difference now was a good night kiss and an hour of cuddling as they woke. In this realm, Dirk gave back as much as he received. His repaid Jake’s strong embrace with soft kisses on his neck and shoulders. The strong protective hands on his back were contrasted with his tongue snaking into Jake’s mouth and long fingers running through brown hair. Their legs would become tangled and their hold on each other so tight it was like they feared the other was a dream.

Jake still made breakfast, Dirk would often surprise him with a firm hug from behind and kisses along his spine through his shirt. After breakfast, the two would watch TV while Jake folded the laundry or clipped coupons. Dirk provided commentary on the ridiculous nature of soap operas, betraying his interest when a twist was revealed. The days were mundane, but highlighted with affection and care. As evening dawned, the two would work on their own personal projects until around ten, when Dirk would wander in, his intentions made clear when he sat on Jake’s lap grinding against him, leading to Jake spoiling him for the better part of an hour.

This routine went on for nearly three months, Roxy had become aware of their relationship. She wasn’t entirely happy, still highly suspicious of Jake. Jane, however, offered full support. Of course, Roxy knowing meant that soon the rest of the family would soon know. Rose, sent a care package of oddly shaped dildos, a variety of specialty lubes and a lifetime supply of condoms. Dave, however, surprised them one afternoon. He took them to lunch in a private room of an expensive restaurant and proceeded to call three very large body guards into the room. They stood, blocking all of the exits, and did not speak. Dave, much to Dirk’s dismay, channeled the stereotypical mob boss in every mafia movie “Jake, my brother is an adult.” His voice deep and grave, his face stoic and unreadable. “I have no intention of getting between the two of you. I believe my brother has good instincts when it comes to people. Any squabbles between you two also falls into the ‘None of my fucking business’ folder. However, should I ever get wind of you treating him poorly. If anyone is forbidden from seeing him, or an unexplained bruise shows up his body. I feel you should know,” He gestured to his guards. “I have ways of getting back at people who hurt my family and a god damned good lawyer.”

Dirk nearly laughed at his antics until he heard Jake’s shaky “Yes sir.”

 Dave’s smirk was near audible. “Great, now how about some sushi.” The three ate in silence and the night ended with Jake petting Dirk’s hair and the blonde gently reassuring him that all was well, until they both fell asleep.

As their three-month anniversary hit, Jake’s resolve to deny himself was crumbling and showing through the seams. He took care of Dirk’s morning arousal, all the while moaning in Dirk’s ear and whispering compliments that were no longer clean and pretty. When Dirk reached for him though, desperate to help him, Jake still batted his hand away. “Mm’good,” his words slurred through a horny and sleepy haze.

“C’mon Jake, just let me.”

“No.” Jake held him tightly, breathing his scent in before letting out a breath of agony. “Don’t-Don’t wanna mess this up. Not again. Not you.”

“I could at least touch you. I mean, come on man, I’m feeling selfish here.”

“No. No, no.” Jake kissed him all over his face, reverence in his denial and baptism in his affection. “Too good for me. Not…not going to mess this up.”

“Jake, I want-“

“Shhh, soon.” Jake buried his face in Dirk’s shoulder, mumbling more to himself than his boyfriend. “When I can trust myself with you.”

However, Dirk had had enough. He didn’t make the decision to get involved with Jake only to play this weird game. While Jake made a special dinner for the two of them, Dirk prepped himself for the night. He searched in the box under his bed for lube to open himself up and the lace panties Rose had given him three years ago. Tonight would be the night, he was a virgin, yes, however he wasn’t a blushing pure virgin. He knew how to do things, how to be good at sex, he hoped.

He hadn’t prepared himself for how uncomfortable he’d be sitting in lace underwear all evening. Jake was gabbing about the latest installment between the cashier of the supermarket and the barista at the in-store Starbucks. Apparently, the barista’s girlfriend had stopped by and caught the barista and the cashier kissing by the flower section. “It was a huge scene! The girlfriend tried to attack the cashier girl and the barista had to hold her back. It was crazy!” Dirk listened as attentively as he could, his mind trisected between the decadent bedroom underwear digging into his hip, the sweet embrace of fantasy of what he hoped would end the night, and Jake’s charming voice. As the melted cheese coated his tongue complimenting the snap of the tomato sauce and the safe bland taste of chicken, he felt himself engulfed with a pleasant warmth both affectionate and the scintillating undertone of erotic desire. He softly tapped his foot and covertly pinched his skin to bring him back to the moment and Jake’s story. “…Anyway, the barista’s dress was ruined, but at least she wasn’t fired. I mean, I don’t think.”

“Interesting.” He felt a nice softly calloused hand grip his forearm, scalding hot.

“You okay? You seem distracted.”

“M’fine.” His answer was graced with soft, warm lips placed against his own. He felt every muscle relax, releasing tension he didn’t know he was holding in.

“Since this is a special night, I thought I could take care of you again. I even bought something special for it.” Hot breath brushed against Dirk’s cheek.

“I have something too.”

“Naughty boy, I told you, not yet.”

Dirk wasn’t sure what it was about the “naughty boy” comment that got him riled up. The words just seemed to shoot electricity up his spine and out his arms as he took a firm hold on Jake. “Fuck me, Jake.”

“Wha- Dirk! I-“

“You want to fuck me right.” His breath was already becoming slightly labored. He needed Jake, he needed him now. He kissed Jake’s cheek and trailed wet kisses down his lover’s neck.

“Dirk stop.” Said Jake with a needy whine. Strong hands gripped the flimsy fabric of Dirk’s t-shirt. Jake whispered to himself as he felt Dirk latch a sensitive tendon of his neck, “Lord, help me.” His arms pulled the blind male closer as his head tried to pull away.

“Yes, come on, make me yours.” Dirk’s lust filled voice was enough to make Jake so hard it hurt. The sensation was too much for the rational mind, he tried to hold on to his set of rules, he was quickly forgetting why they were important though. He felt slender fingers move down and cup him through his jeans. “Jake, I may be blind, but **that** is impossible not to notice.”

“G-get your hands out of there!” Jake could feel his cheeks become warm, his breathing now little more than panting. Regaining control, he took Dirk’s wrist and pulled him toward the bedroom. Dirk ran with him…wait…running…yes, he was running.

Once inside he pulled Dirk back into him, kissing him hard, his tongue snaked past Dirk’s lips and he felt his boyfriend shudder and melt in his arms. An act that taxed his already highly stressed libido. Jake held Dirk tightly, feeling the blonde’s own arousal against his thigh. Alarms were going off in his mind, this wasn’t what was supposed to happen. He can’t use Dirk like the others. He has to be better. Simply separating and stepping away was an insurmountable task. He pulled Dirk onto the bed with him, gently laying the blind male down on the soft bed. He felt Dirk tense a little, hands grasping his shirt. The alarm bell was suddenly blaring and he finally separated from the object of his affection. Kissing Dirk’s temple, then cheek, then lips, he asked “Are you nervous?”

Dirk squirmed, half from arousal, half from uncertainty, “No.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” Jake took Dirk’s hand firm in his. “We’ll go slow.”  Another kiss. “I’ll be gentle.” A kiss on his hand. “I promise, any time you want to stop, just let go of my hand.” Dirk took a deep breath and nodded, Jake pressed a smile into his shoulder. “I love you so much. Just relax, okay?” Dirk nodded and Jake began, tenderly undressing him and kissing every inch of his body, when he found Dirk’s surprise he chuckled, “Naughty boy.” Whispered like a secret into Dirk’s ear. The entire time they held hands, switching hands when needed, but always held tightly together. Jake took his time, prepping Dirk himself despite desperate whines of protest. He stretched him and watched the face he loved grow slack with pleasure. Dirk was truly a beautiful man.

As they made love, Dirk failed in his goal to drive Jake wild, too overwhelmed to think. At least, he thought he failed. Little did he know the noise and movement he made was enough to send Jake out of his mind. If it weren’t for the hand of the one he loved most, nestled safely in his own, Jake would have failed himself. Instead, he was able to truly make love to the person he most adored. This was not a mode of pleasure, not a rollercoaster of excitement. It was the most intimate he had ever felt with someone, and he couldn’t help whispering “I love you Dirk Strider,” every so often.

When they finished, Jake didn’t hold Dirk and fall asleep, his mind was too wired. “How do you feel? Does it hurt? Did you like it?”

“I feel…good, really good.” Dirk’s voice was distant and ragged as he tried to stay awake. The dopamine flooding his brain, Jake’s gentle caress and sweet kisses, the warmth of post-coital bliss.

“Sleep.” Whispered Jake.

“But…”

“It’s okay.”

Dirk rolled toward Jake, burying himself in his caretaker’s broad chest, “You don’t have to be so gentle next time…..m’not made of glass.”

“Maybe not, but it was your first time. I wanted to make sure you enjoyed.”

Jake felt a smile against his skin and the words “I did,” as Dirk felt what little tension he had left slip from his body, he fell into a pure sleep, waking to pancakes and affection that rivaled worship the next morning.

Months continued to pass, the two became more familiar with the intimate corners of each other’s mind and body. Dirk learned how to make Jake laugh, smile, relax, and scream. Jake grew more comfortable with their relationship and even allowed Dirk to pamper him every so often. Their division of labor around the house evened out as well. Dirk learned how to separate laundry by feel and helped Jake dry the dishes in the evening. He learned how to bake using touch and sound (although Jake insisted on helping with the oven.) A soft domestic comfort settled in their lives, each complementing the other and when they cuddled on the couch, watching whatever series caught their interest on Netflix, there was no greater peace anywhere in the world.

Roxy dropped in regularly, bringing with her a variety of groceries (thankfully stuff they would actually eat) and pamphlets on STDs and safe sex. As Dirk grew tired of the weekly intrusion, he collaborated with Jane and presented, much to Jake’s shock and dismay, a giant penis shaped cake on Roxy’s next visit.  The writing read “I eat dick safely.” Jake’s skin held his blush for most of the night. Roxy grew angry, while John laughed and took a picture, Rose liked it on Facebook. Roxy never pushed the pamphlets on them again, although she continued her weekly visits and performed a series of physical tests to make sure he was “healthy” (apparently this was done under Dave’s orders.) After some awkward explanations about some chaffing on his arms (he rather enjoyed bondage), Roxy moved her visits to a monthly basis and adjusted her expectations.

As the holidays approached again, a decision had to be made, Christmas with Dirk’s family? Or Jake’s? There was a lot of discussion, a lengthy pro-con list, and a series of discussed compromises. That is, until Rose, while modeling one of Kanaya’s latest projects, realized the dilemma as she pondered what to get Dirk for Christmas. If it was one thing Rose was selfish about, it was Christmas tradition. A quick call to Dave and the entire family, along with John’s family were booked tickets to Jake’s hometown. A hotel was booked for each couple in neighboring rooms (which were then changed by Dirk and Rose.)

Dirk managed to snag (through negotiations, a last minute cancelation, and a rock-paper-scissors victory against Rose) the honeymoon suite for the night. He surprised Jake with a naughty blue ensemble (an early gift from Kanaya), that framed his cock in leather and lifted his ass high. He hadn’t expected such a strong favorable reaction, but it left him screaming Jake’s name and breathless against the sheets. Jake still held onto his hand. He hoped he would be able to walk straight tomorrow as he spoke, “What, being blind isn’t enough? You want be to be a paraplegic too?”

Jake laughed, “Sorry darling, I couldn’t help myself with that little outfit.”

“Is it even still useable? I thought I heard a tear.”

“We’ll find out tomorrow.” Jake pulled him close petting his hair, “You aren’t hurt are you?” And edge of concern in his voice.

“Nah, I’m fine.” Dirk yawned.

“How ‘bout some rest?”

“Wait.” Dirk reached up, finding Jake’s head and feeling the sweat soaked hair beneath his fingers. He felt the shape of Jake’s skull and slowly made his way towards the face.

“Dirk, what in blazes are you-“

“Shh, just let me do this.” Dirk whispered. Jake went silent while Dirk continued to prove. His hand felt Jake’s jawline, his thumb working up to his cheek bone and his left hand coming up and grasping his forehead, and gliding down his nose. “Almost.” Dirk brought Jake’s face to his lips, tracing every feature and memorizing the feel against his skin. As he pulled away he smiled. “Yep, still look like a dork.” He chuckled as Jake let out a surprised and indignant noise before he was pulled into a smothering embrace and drowned with kisses.

“I’m only a dork because of you, dork.” Jake nuzzled against him, his tight hug loosening as he cupped Dirk’s face in his hands. “You…I’ve never felt as strongly about someone as I feel about you.” Dirk felt himself blush and his body react. “Oh!” He felt Jake shift, undoubtedly looking down, his blush simply grew. “Wow, Dirk junior is up again already.”

“Pfft, dude, don’t call it that.” He had never felt so frazzled before.

“Oh, would you prefer I call it ‘the D’? ‘The prince’? ‘The destroyer’?”

“The destroyer?”

“You did a number on by caboose last month.”

“I did?”

“Mmmm, I could get used to that, although I still prefer seeing you beneath me. I don’t think I could go another round so soon though. I wore myself out. I can still take care of you though. Besides, my grandmother’s place is big, but with so many people we won’t have time to ourselves for the next several days.” Jake’s warmth disappeared from Dirk’s face and shoulders and swelled under the blankets. Jake pampered him like he always did, cleaning up and saying sweet words until their hearts faded into the night.  

**Author's Note:**

> So the whole liking Jake thing, isn’t meant to be romantic yet. Only that Dirk doesn’t find him annoying. Also, I hope Dirk didn’t come across as mopey, Roxy and Dave really can be overbearing and he just wants his own life.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Are we gay now?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8271076) by [Scarymarshmallows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarymarshmallows/pseuds/Scarymarshmallows)




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